Page 99 of Dirty Chorus

“I dunno how to tell people or how to help her... Ryder came over and...” She shudders a breath and her grip tightens. “I hate him sooo much! Payton was with him.”

“I need you to breathe. Let's go inside.” I take her hand and lead her up into the apartment, closing and locking the door behind us.

“It just keeps getting better.” She falls back down onto the couch blinking back her tears as she uses the collar of her shirt to wipe her eyes, and it’s coated in her mascara. “Not only did my mom almost die tonight, but Payton is sleeping around with my brother, and out of all nights, she just blatantly lied to me in the car. I know she’s been sleeping with him. They were fucking in the bathroom at this party I went to after an away game.”

“Charlie... I... I’m not sure what I can say that’ll help,” I say and sit down next to her.

“I asked her a million times in the car tonight, and she just looked me in the eye and lied. She didn’t care, she just lied like it didn’t matter. I’ve trusted her with everything. Over ten years of friendship and this is my reward for always going out of my way to help her. I dunno why she just won’t admit it. I feel like I’m losing everyone, and you just wanna be friends.” Her fingers tremble as she brings them to her lips. “I don’t wanna go back to the dorms, or go home.”

“What are you asking me?”

“Can I...” She leans over, using her arms to cover up her face. Her fingers dig into the back of her head. “Can I stay here? I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I scratch the side of my temple before lacing my fingers together as I lean forward. There isn’t a guidebook on girls. But looking at her, broken and lost, I can’t tell her to suck it up and head home.

I rub her back, swallowing hard before I say, “You can stay.”

She sits up, her lips trembling. “You sure?”

“Yeah...and you can sleep on my bed. You’re not taking the couch.”

I take her hand, lifting her off the couch and leading her down the hallway to my room. I know she didn’t bring anything with her other than the clothes on her back, so I let her raid my closet again after she took a shower. At this rate, I’m not going to have anything to wear myself, but we agreed to stop by her dorm room in the morning to gather some of her belongings until she figures out what she wants to do.

By the time I crawl back into bed, it’s around two thirty in the morning. At least I don’t have to go into the store until noon. But the second I pull the string on my lamp, shutting it off, I’m wide awake. Charlie cuddles with one of my spare pillows, her back facing me as she stares at the wall and the car lights pass by.

I adjust myself and drape an arm around her torso, pressing my stomach against her back. I peck her shoulders, and breathe her in.

“Noah...”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you wanna be with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you. I’m leaving... you saw the video I posted online.”

“But we can still try, I can do school, and we can talk on the phone. You said we could try. I don’t understand why you're changing your mind.”

“We are going to be busy as hell. Recording non-stop, writing music, playing live.” I let out a deep breath. “You’re in college. You're a lot of fun, and if I could, I’d try that dating thing with you. I just don’t want to string you along when I’ll never be here. I’m going to let you down in the end, and doing this before we get too close will make it easier on both of us.” She lets out a soft cry. Now I want to cry with her. She has no idea it’s tearing me up too. “I don’t have all the details yet, but we can still hang out until I leave.”

“But either way it’s going to end.”

“I’m not trying to break your heart, mine is already cracked. We should just stay friends, and maybe when you're done with college we can meet again. It sounds like you went through a lot tonight, and this is a tough conversation to have with little to no sleep. I’d like you to rest.”

“Okay...” And that was it. The last words before I shut my eyes and dozed off.

I didn’t wake up until fifteen minutes before noon. I ended up texting my part-time employee, who agreed to do a double shift, giving me coverage for the store. When I walk into the living room, Charlie is perched on the couch hugging a leg.

“I tried talking to Ryder this morning...” She stares out into the wall. “You were asleep, and I left for a bit.”

“Oh...” I say.

“They were sleeping together, and I just got into a fight with both of them. Payton and I are never going to be friends again.”

“I’m sorry. Let me get showered and changed and then we’ll go get some of your things,” I say.

I drive Charlie to the dorms where we gather some of her belongings, stuffing it into a duffle bag. We gathered enough clothes to get her by while staying over and some of her toiletries. The entire time, she seemed out of it; not speaking to me much, as if she felt like she was in another reality.

When I tried to convince her to go to her classes, she shook her head. Throughout the day, her eyes have been red and sore. Gramps tried encouraging her to eat a tuna sandwich, but she muttered her thanks and told him no. He even left the tuna sandwich next to her hoping she would change her mind. It took her a good twenty minutes of staring at it before she scarfed it down.