Page 10 of Fractured Destiny

My dress is on the floor. I pull it over my head. The strap won’t stay up. My underwear’s probably somewhere in his sheets. I can’t risk waking him so I leave it. Toe on my heels and grab my clutch on the kitchen counter. My phone has four percent battery, enough to call a Lyft.

On my way out, I look back at Lake. His mouth is open in sleep. One curl sproings across his forehead. His left arm is still curled against his ribs in the shape of my body, which is no longer there.

Noticing the notebook on the milk crate next to his bed, I quickly page through it. Big, messy handwriting. Words crossed out. A half-line about a sky he saw walking home from a gig. Impulsively, I carefully tear a strip off the bottom of a blank page. Using a pencil with a chewed end, I write the one thing I want him to remember.

Neeley.

I set it on the milk crate next to the notebook. Look at him one more time and close the door behind me without a sound.

With no traffic at this early hour, the ride home is less than twenty minutes. I make it to the pool house, where I live on my parents’ compound. Punch in the keypad. Lock the door behind me.

Time to wash last night away. I turn up the water in the shower as hot as it goes and let it practically scald me to wash away his scent. I lather up my pussy and the soreness between my legs reminds me of the most intimate sex I’ve ever had.

Sorrow overtakes me. I can’t keep giving away my body to random men. I’m twenty-three years old, I don’t know if I can.

A long, gray hallway of ghosts from my past haunt me.

Tonight I gave Lake something more, even if he doesn’t know it.

I let him in. A little.

A lot.

Thankfully, I saved him from my poison by walking out before he could try to make this into something it can’t ever be.

The shower runs and runs.

I don’t realizing I’m sobbing until the water turns cold.

three

Three Days Later

I haven’t gotten out of bed for two days.

Her perfume still permeates my pillows. The room smells like our sex because I haven’t washed the sheets.

Jesus Christ. I can’t get out of my own head.

What the fuck kind of spell did this chick put on me? I don’t do relationships. There’s no point in letting someone in when I know I won’t be what they need, eventually. Still, I’ve never been ghosted.

It’s not like I haven’t done the same thing, but it’s never happened to me. Fucking karma. I need to snap out of this shit. Grow a set of balls.

My phone buzzes on the mattress. It’s Linus.

“You sleeping?” His loud voice booms through the earpiece.

I wince. “Nah.”

“Liar.” It sounds as if he’s moving through an airport or a parking garage, somewhere with echo. “I’m headed to Ty and Zoey’s this afternoon. The whole circus is gonna be there. Avonna, Liam, the wee ones. Zoey’s ready to pop any minute and Ty wants to talk to you before she has the baby. Come by.”

“I don’t want to crash a family thing.” The words are automatic, even if it sounds like a nice break from isolating myself in here.

“You’re not crashin’ anything, brother. Ty told me to ask you,” he assures. “Come. Eat. Hang out for a bit.”

I sit on the edge of my bed for a long time staring at the torn scrap of paper with Neeley’s name scrolled on it. Part of me wants to stay here and play through my feelings instead of trying to interact with people I respect. At the same time, I’ve been working my ass off for these kinds of opportunities so I shower, find a clean shirt, and drive across the bridge to West Seattle.

Ty and his wife Zoey’s house sits up above the water on a street thick with old maples turning gold. It’s a warm, low-key place with a wide porch, big windows with a sweeping view of downtown.