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The Lies We Play

Page 163

by Claudia Burgoa

“You should change before we leave.”

“I didn’t know we were leaving.”

She checks her Cartier watch. The one Dad gave her a few months before he died. At least that’s what she said. It belonged to my grandmother—I know it shouldn’t be hers, but . . . I don’t remember shit, so there’s no way to argue about it.

“We have the donor breakfast at nine.” She taps the watch twice.

I did know that.

It probably sits somewhere in the approved calendar, a breakfast with patrons who donate large sums to cultural access initiatives and like to meet the recovering Saint Claire heir because the story makes the checks feel emotional.

When I can, I have to ask Creed if I used to enjoy these functions or . . . will he be able to tell me who exactly I was before the accident? Do I want to become that person again?

Fuck, maybe this is too much. I wish I could talk to a therapist, but how, when most of them tell my family everything? Which should be illegal, but I can’t even sue them because they own me. That’s fucking pathetic.

But today I feel like rebelling again, so I say, “I’m not going.”

Everett’s eyes move to her.

Still, after all these years, they glance at each other before deciding how much of me I am allowed to use.

My stepmother takes three steps closer. “You’ve had a difficult night.”

“No. I had a night.”

“We are not your enemies.”

That sentence is too rehearsed to be anything except a confession.

I breathe once. Slowly.

Cornelius’s voice moves through me.

Don’t sign anything today.

A second sentence follows it.

One I have not heard in decades.

I'm not even sure I have ever heard it.

But, of course, I am hearing it now, but not here. I’m in the kitchen of the house in Greenwich, on a Sunday I can't date, with the smell of the coffee Cornelius liked and morning light coming through the back windows.

Look inside yourself before you deal with the company’s paperwork.

Honestly, I don’t know exactly what that means.

What fucking paperwork?

Also . . . inside of what? My soul? My trauma? The emotionally unsupervised filing cabinet where I keep every terrible decision I have ever made?

It is a very cryptic thing to hear from the old man—or from the part of my brain currently having a short circuit.

I don't move.

I don't let either of them see what is happening behind my face.

“I’m not going,” I say. “Today, I’d rather stay and rest. It’s not like I’m going to party—you always say my health comes before everything else.”