Page 170 of Sins of Innocence

"Do you want more babies?"

I shift so I'm laying across his chest, looking into his face. "I shouldn't," I admit guiltily. "I mean...I didn't want more babies with Troy."

His grip tightens on my hip.

And I know it's because he doesn't like hearing about me being married to Troy, not because Kieran is judging me about not wanting more babies.

"Not because I didn't love the girls," I explain anyway. "Or hated being a mom or anything."

"I know. You're a great mom."

Warmed, I smile. "Thanks." Then my smile fades away. "I was so young when I got married. I had dreams, you know? But I was eighteen, married and pregnant."

"That didn't mean you had to leave your dreams behind."

"I didn't, but that's not the way Troy saw it. He thought that being his wife and the mother of his children should be my dream. Mom watched the girls so I could get my degree, but Troy didn't think I should work until the girls were older." I swallow. "Then Neeve was almost old enough for kindergarten and I got pregnant with Joy."

"On purpose?" Kieran asks with a puzzled frown, then tension seeps into his big body. "Did that bastard pressure you?"

I shake my head. "No and no. The patch failed." My gaze slides down to fix on his neck because admitting this still makes guilt curl ugly inside me. "I cried when I found out."

Kieran's hand slides slowly up my back, kneading my tensing muscles, comforting me. "You're a great mom and you love all your girls. That doesn't mean having three kids so young wasn't hard."

Emotion lodges thick in my throat as I raise my gaze to his again. That's not something Troy was ever willing to acknowledge.

"But by the time Joy was born, I was already in my mid-twenties." Old enough to handle becoming a mom again with more serenity, right?

"Sure, but that doesn’t change what her birth meant to you."

"No." I huff out a soft laugh. "I had plans. Troy never really understood that. He was older and ready for kids. He loved the girls, but his work always came first and..." I shrug helplessly. "I think it would've been different if he'd been around more."

If I hadn't felt like a single parent so much of the time. Something, I never let myself admit before.

Kieran's body grows more rigid with every mention of Troy.

Not jealous exactly. Something darker and more territorial. Maybe that is jealousy, but it feels like more, like something deeper where our souls are connected.

"No matter what you felt when you figured out you were pregnant with Joy, you've never shown any resentment toward any of the girls."

"How can you know that?" I ask.

I like to think he's right, but how can he know to say it with such certainty?

"Because your heart shines with more brilliance than that rock I put on your hand."

I huff out a laugh. "I doubt that."

I don't see how it could. The diamond on my ring finger is probably visible in satellite photos from space.

He rubs my back, cups my backside, trails his fingers down the back of my thighs…like I'm just so irresistible he can't stop touching me. But he doesn't say anything else.

I study his face, trying to discern what he's thinking. There's no expression on his blank features, but his eyes burn with something.

Disappointment? Guilt? Am I projecting?

Yeah, maybe, my inner voice of logic says.

I make myself say, "You don't want kids with me." I keep it casual, keep my feelings out of my tone.