Page 105 of Into Pitch

“I get that it troubles you, Sadie.”

I push off the table and take a few slow steps toward him, stopping a careful distance away. “I keep thinking about what you said about connection and pressing where it hurts. And we can have the conversation a thousand different ways about how I react to you, but I want to meet you where you stand.”

“How do you suppose doing that?”

“I want to walk in your shoes,” I reply carefully.

His jaw tightens for a moment as his gaze flits between my eyes, searching for something I’m not sure he will find.

“That’s not a casual request, little fox.” He whispers.

“I know,” I breathe. “I’m not asking lightly.”

“You are asking to see things that cannot be unseen.”

“I’ve already seen some of them and I’m still here,” I shrug.

He exhales and nods. “You think this is what will make you understand me?”

“I think it’ll stop me from guessing, and guessing just seems far more dangerous.”

He taps his foot to the floor, a habit I think that is much like when my knee starts bouncing.

“Understanding me won’t give you control.” He points out.

“No,” I sigh. “I think it’ll grant me context though.”

He bites down on the inside of his cheek, and I watch in real time as something subtle changes in his expression. It’s not a swift change, but dragged out over several long seconds of dense silence.

“You surprise me,” he says quietly.

“Get used to it.”

He snorts, shaking his head as he looks past me to the cabin and the forest beyond. Contemplating what I’m asking him but what I haven’t said out loud yet.

“You sure you want that kind of proximity to something that destroys people?” He challenges softly.

“Yes.”

“You believe you can withstand it?” He presses.

“I believe I can choose it,” I correct.

“I know you saw things inside of Pitch, Sadie. But running away from it and being a part of it are entirely different things. I’d be putting you in the middle of something that is very real and can be very ugly.” He clarifies.

“I know.”

“With people who might not walk away when pressed.”

“I know this.”

“And it would be with me, fully in my element. Fully myself.” He presses as if I don’t already know. As if I’m not aware of this side of him.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with that?” He frowns.

“I am aware of the risks, Alex. I want to go. I want to watch you and understand you.”