Page 590 of Call Me Baby 2: Side B

But this year, I said,

I think I love you, with Andrew Harding’s dick inside me, disappeared for nine days to freak out about it,

came back,

said,

I do. I love you,

again in a hospital hallway,

‘cause I learn nothing.

(Couldn’t even blame it on dick that time.)

Then spent ten hours in a transplant waiting room praying his mother didn’t die

(she didn’t).

So January first got bumped.

The spread is disgusting: coconut waters, ginger shots, green juice the color of a swamp, miso soup, cucumber-avocado rolls, pineapple chunks, and hummus.

I tuck my socked feet under me. “Can you believe only three months ago we were slashing some random Audi’s tires ‘cause you thought the car belonged to Drake?”

Celie lowers her coconut water.

“It was his Audi.”

I roll my eyes.

“Okay. It was his Audi.”

“Ew.” She pulls back, giving me a nasty look. “You stabbed the tire first.”

“Yeah. To prove I was high.”

“You weren’t high.”

“See?” I slap my thigh.

“The shit I do for you.”

“Deadass, I’m embarrassed I cried over that man.” She reaches for a cucumber-avocado roll. “Twenty-twenty-five Celie got a plan.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” I ask.

She swallows a bite, shrugging, cute and innocent. “That whole Teddy Vale thing gave me clarity,” she says. “That the Holy Grail ain’t as far outta reach as one might suspect...”

I choke on the hummus. “Oh, God…”

Her smile curves wicked. “I’m gonna make DJ Crush fall in love with me.”

I nod, supportive. “So highlight of 2024 was receiving an anallment from that security guard in LA, and the goal for 2025 is getting DJ Crush to pick up where he left off?”

“Ayeee.” Celie falls on all fours and twerks against the cushion.

My head tips back with a laugh. “I love that your personal growth starts and ends with who’s in your ass.”