Page 190 of Call Me Baby 2: Side B

“Chill, Drew. I enjoyed myself very much, thanks for askin’.”

He leans back half an inch. “Then… what the fuck?” He shifts to his hip, his thigh hitting the edge of the table. “Yo, look—no jerkin’ off in front’a you? Don’t gotta. Head? Pssh. Went ten years without it, I’ll live.” He crowds closer, his words serious but heated. “No kissing? No intercourse? Sonny, no. That’s not extra. It’s the fuckin’ core.”

His eyes tell me this isn’t even about sex.

Ain’t even about kissing…

It’s about keeping what makes him feel closer than anyone else, sharing the two things neither of us are willing to hand out.

He keeps going,

“And no hands durin’ oral? C’mon. You ever seen me eat a slice with no hands?”

Another chuckle slips off my lips.

He squints. “Exactly.

“I need ‘em on you.

“You need ‘em on you.

“Where they belong.”

His hands lift between us.

“These hands? They’re fuckin’ yours.

“You tell ‘em what to do, they listen.

“Don’t do this to us.

“Don’t take this from us.

“Don’t push me out.”

Oh, he’s laying it on thick.

That breathy voice. Those soft eyes.

That Jersey drawl turned devotional, sweet-talkin’ his way into the possibility of penetration.

He throws up a palm. “Then you hit me with a veto on top of a veto? Get the fuck outta here. That’s like tryna call shotgun for a seat after someone already called it. That’s like callin’ Uno on a Draw Four. Don’t work that way, baby.”

But the truth is... I can’t stand the thought of him seeing me puke again.

And I can’t let him think he’s got me,

can’t let him have that power over me.

If it happens,

it’s ‘cause I say so, ‘cause I want it.

“I’m not backin’ down, Drew.

“Clause stands, so save the speech.”

He’s looking at me as if I emptied us of meaning. As if everything he’s been fighting for just collapsed.