Page 46 of Your Love

“Okay, son. I’ll call you as soon as I get more information. Should be real soon,” he says.

I hadn’t realized how tightly I was holding the phone until I attempt to release the receiver to hang up. My fingers are cramped, and I’m only able to unravel them with a deep ache. As soon as I hang up, my body sways with dizziness. The entire room spins like the Tilt a Whirl ride at the carnival. I grab onto my desk chair for support. My heart rate is skyrocketing, and my entire body is shaking. I’m burning up and freezing simultaneously. In fact, it feels like my veins are full of fire, but goosebumps are breaking out across my body. I attempt to move, but the dizziness comes back, this time with blurred vision.

What’s going on with me? Am I going to die? Who has a stroke at nineteen years old? This can’t be happening. But it is, and the more I think about it, the worse it gets. My fingers are tingling, and it’s difficult to catch my breath.

I can’t die. Kerri needs me.

I notice Paisley walk by my room, or what I think is Paisley. It’s difficult to differentiate between reality and this nightmare state I’m in. The next thing I know, my body is giving out, and everything’s fading to black. The last thing I remember is a scream. “Landry!”

I open my eyes, and I’m lying on my back on my bedroom floor. I’m focused on the coldness biting the skin of my neck. Reaching behind me, I pull an ice pack.

“No, you don’t, mister,” says my mom, hovering over me. “Put that ice pack back.”

Mom is clearly in nurse mode, and it’s no use arguing. I don’t know if I can argue anyway. I’m exhausted. I remember what happened, but I’m confused as to why it happened. My mother and Paisley continue looking down on me with worry.

My limbs are heavy with exhaustion, but I manage to rise to a seated position. “Mom, what happened?”

“I think you had a panic attack, Christian,” she says.

“Panic attack? Nothing like that has ever happened to me before.”

“What was happening before you lost consciousness?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I remember feeling out of control, and I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. Then I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and everything went dark.”

“Yes,” she says. “That’s kind of what Paisley said happened.”

I swing my head toward my sister. The scream I heard before I fell—it was real? “What do you mean that’s what Paisley said happened?” I ask with wide eyes.

My sister is sitting next to me with a worried look on her face, but she seems calm—much calmer than I feel right now.

“Your sister screamed when you fell,” Mom says. “She’s got quite the lungs on her.” She winks at Pais, whose mouth shifts into a smile. Mom continues. “Paisley saw something was wrong with you, and she screamed for me to help you. When I got up here, she said two words. ‘He fell.’”

“You said that, Paisley?” I say, meeting her gaze. Paisley simply nods her head. “Can you say anything for me right now?”

“Worried about you, Landry.” Her voice is small and distinct. I’ve imagined her voice in my head for the last ten years, and it’s the voice of a small child. If she ever spoke, that’s what I expected her to sound like. But she doesn’t sound like that at all. There are remnants of that small child, as well as the young woman she’s growing into. Her voice is heavier, with more depth than I could’ve imagined.

Tears begin to flood my sight as I wrap my sister in a hug. “I’m so sorry, Pais. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She hugs me back, letting me know she’s fine. “Your voice is so beautiful. Do you know what you did?” I ask. I continue when she looks at me expectantly. “You used it when I needed you. I’m so proud of you,” I tell her.

I lay back down on the floor and stare up at the ceiling. I try to think about everything that’s transpired over the last hour and that’s when I remember what caused me to panic to begin with.

“Kerri’s hurt,” I say out loud. My mother’s face morphs into concern.

“What do you mean she’s hurt?” she says.

“She was in some car accident back home in Texas. I don’t know how she’s doing. Just that she’s in the hospital, I think that’s what caused me to have a panic attack.”

Paisley’s eyes begin to fill with tears. “Oh, Pais,” I reassure her. “I talked to her Grandpa, and he thinks everything’s going to be okay. He’s going to keep me posted, and as soon as we know something, I’ll tell you. I’m sure it’s going to be okay.”

I don’t believe the words I’m saying. I won’t accept anything until I can hear Kerri’s voice and look into her sparkling blue eyes for myself. But I’m a big brother, and right now, my job is to protect my sister. “I offered to go over and help with the animals. Maybe you could go with me?” I ask. Her lips kick up into a small smile, and she nods. Maybe she’s used all the words she wants to for today.

Chapter 21

“Be Like That”

Landry - Age 19, 1989

“That’s it, Paisley,” I shout over the sounds of bleating goats and clucking chickens as my sister helps me feed the animals on the farm. Earl and Patty left for Texas this morning. Kerri hasn’t woken up yet, but her condition is stable, and the doctors say this is normal since she has swelling in her brain.