Page 70 of Strange Love

“I can’t wrap my head around why you can’t figure out your true self in a different city,” he states, his eyes searching for understanding.

"I don’t expect you to understand,” I say with a shake of my head. “Hell, even I don’t understand half the time. It just doesn’t feel right for me to leave right now. Until nine months ago, I didn’t want to leave my house. But now, I’m getting more comfortable with who I am and what I want, and I need time to figure that out on my terms. I’m not where you are yet.”

“I’m not trying to push you into anything you’re not ready for,” he reassures me. “You know I would never do that.”

“I do,” I nod. “And thank you for respecting that. Your life in Boston will be busy and fulfilling, and I need to focus on finding my path. You’ve been such an important part of the changes I’ve made this past year, but now it’s time for me to take some steps on my own.”

“So, what you’re saying is ‘right person, wrong time,’” he says, understanding dawning in his eyes.

“Yes,” I reply honestly, my voice shaking with emotion. “Perfect person, wrong time. And it breaks my heart. It kills me that I can’t pack up and move with you without a care in the world, but I owe it to myself and to the little girl who lost four years of her life to try and figure out what I truly want from the rest of this journey.”

“I only have sixteen more days here,” he says softly.

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I only have sixteen more days with him before our paths diverge. But deep down, it’s what needs to happen for both of us.

I struggle to speak through the sobs that are threatening to escape my throat. My voice is a whisper as I say, “I know. I was hoping we could spend as much time together as possible before you leave.”

Pain flashes across his face, and he takes a step back. “I can’t, Ivy,” he says, his tone filled with agony. “It’s too hard. Every second with you would be a reminder of our looming goodbye. I don’t think I could handle that kind of torture.”

My heart feels like it’s breaking in two as I ask, “So, this is it? This is goodbye?”

He looks into my eyes with a mixture of love and sadness.

“I think so, at least for now,” he responds. “I don’t know what the future holds for either of us, but I will never regret our time together.”

We stand there holding hands, both of us crying silently. The pain in my chest is unbearable, and part of me wishes my heart would just stop beating altogether.

“I love you, Corey Delacour,” I manage to say before standing on my tiptoes and giving him one last salty kiss.

“I love you too, Ivy Owens,” he whispers back. “Always.”

Chapter 40

“Can't Fight This Feeling”

Ivy- Age 23, 1994

Aheavy silence hangs in the air as I finish recounting my story. The group stares at me with wide eyes, some with tears streaming down their faces.

Sascha and Kerri wear empathetic expressions while the others look on, unsure what to say. It’s a reaction I’ve received for years whenever I speak about the cult, so it doesn’t surprise me.

To ease the tension, I reassure them that I’m okay. “So, that’s the story. I told you it was a little crazy,” I say with a forced smile.

“It’s not crazy,” Amy replies. “It’s amazing. I can’t believe it ended so abruptly. That must have been heartbreaking.”

“It was. It is,” I correct myself. “But it didn’t end abruptly,” I respond with a sad sigh. “We both knew it was coming. We just avoided it until the moment when we couldn’t anymore. Especially me.”

“And you didn’t talk after that?”

“Not a word,” I reply. “I wanted to, but I had to respect his wishes to end things when we did.”

“Wait, you’re going to see him tomorrow?” Michelle asks incredulously. “After five years? You must have some strong emotions about that.”

“Oh, believe me, I have plenty of emotions,” I reply with a sad chuckle. “That’s why I’m drinking so much wine right now.”

Amy’s jaw drops in disbelief as she asks, “You never once asked Sarah about him?”

“No,” I admit, shaking my head. “I couldn’t bring myself to at first. We had an understanding in the beginning that we wouldn’t talk about him. As time passed, the wounds slowly began to close.”