Page 124 of Securing the Pucking Rebound

I hate thinking about those times, let alone anyone else.

“He used to take me when I wasn’t ready, and it would hurt. But he didn’t care. He⁠—”

“Fucking asshole,” Calvin seethes, his free hand curled into a tight fist on his thigh.

“Yeah. He fucked me up pretty good,” I confess quietly. “In the end, I discovered that he was cheating, and I finally got myself away from him.”

Calvin blows out a long, relieved breath.

I wish I could say it ends there. That the men that came after proved that sex isn’t a reward or a punishment for my behavior. I guess some of them might have, if I’d given them the chance.

I squeeze my eyes closed.

“I tried dating in the hope that hooking up with some guys would help force him and my memories of sex from my head. But it didn’t work. The guys just wanted a good time with a willing woman.” His muscles tighten again, his abs trembling beneath my hand. “It’s not that I wasn’t willing, because I was. I was desperate to banish those past experiences. But it turned out they were deeper rooted than I thought. I couldn’t get past them. And the guys I was hooking up with didn’t have the patience to try and fix me. They⁠—”

“You’re not broken, Sienna,” he says, his voice deep and strained. The sound of it forces me to look up at him. My breath catches when I see his face pulled taut with anger. I instantly glance away again.

“I am, though. I haven’t been able to…see it through since. My brain tells me I should want it, and my body agrees, but there comes a point when I just shut down. Sometimes it happens fast; other times, it’s a little later in the process, but it always h-happens.” My voice cracks, and I hate it. “In the end, I gave up. I’ve got my…” I hesitate and only speak again when his burning stare heats the side of my face. “Toys. They do the job, and I just focus on my life, hoping that one day, everything will suddenly be okay.”

Calvin clears his throat. “How many toys are we talking?”

“Oh my god, that’s what you’re taking away from all of that?” I laugh, turning to take him in.

His eyes search mine for a beat. I want to look away. He’s looking so deep, I swear he can see all my broken, jagged edges. I hate that one person had the power to change this for me. To ruin what should be a fun part of life. He took it and twisted it into something anxiety-ridden that has the power to control the rest of my life.

“It’s…it’s the easiest part for me to process right now.”

“Oh,” I breathe.

His eyes continue to bounce between mine, leaving me to wonder what he’s thinking.

Is he about to get up and walk out now he knows just how fucked up I am, or is he going to be the one I was hoping for?

When his gaze drops to my lips, hope blooms inside me.

Out of anyone in the entire world, I’d love for Calvin Keller to be the one who has the patience to see this through with me.

He drags his bottom lip between his teeth before lifting his eyes back up to mine.

“You’re beautiful, Sienna. Incredibly sexy, and you deserve to enjoy mind-blowing sex like everyone else.”

My heart lodges in the throat.

Please, please please, don’t tell me that you’re not the one to give it to me.

My nose itches as tears burn hot at the back of my eyes.

Oh God. He’s going to walk away.

In my need to act first, I pull my hand away from him and scoot back on the couch.

His arm drops from my waist, and he looks at me with a frown.

“What are you⁠—”

“You can go,” I whisper under my breath.

“W-what? Why would I⁠—”