Page 97 of Risking the Pucking Defense

Despite everything, tonight has been perfect.

Hanging out with him is so easy, even when we’re trying to deal with all the heavy shit that life throws at us.

There’s so much I need to deal with, so many truths I should probably reveal. But doing so makes this even more real.

We shouldn’t be doing this. That isn’t a secret to either of us. But we’re both still here, unable to put a stop to it.

Nothing else has happened between us, and while we’ve talked, it’s not exactly been about what we need to. But talking about what we’re doing here, making it something, it’s terrifying.

It can’t be anything. Not really.

A relationship between us can’t happen. Hell, I don’t even want a relationship. I’m too busy with work and…I’m too busy with work. And of course, there are all the other reasons as well. Like the age gap, my past, the fact that he’s got his whole life ahead of him, and I’ve…I’ve already been through most of it and have come out the other side jaded and broken.

I don’t mean to let my sigh free, but it happens regardless, and Hayden’s arm tightens around me protectively.

“What’s wrong?” he rasps.

Talk about a loaded question.

“I don’t know,” I finally whisper.

“Tell me about it.” The movie he chose continues to play, but despite staring at it, I don’t know what’s happening. I’m too lost in my own head. I’m too content, I’m too confused. I’m…lost. I’ve opened up that box, and now I don’t know what the hell I’m doing or which way to turn.

I can’t even say it’s Hayden’s fault. Sure, it might be happening because of him. But I’m the one who allowed it to lead here.

I didn’t need to follow him that day at the wedding, to turn up at his door later that evening. Just like I didn’t need to follow him into that closet earlier, or allow him to drive me home and invite him in here.

“You’re freaking out,” he points out.

“Yeah, well. I think I have good reason to.”

“Maybe so. But it won’t help anything.”

No, it won’t. But that doesn’t stop it from being true.

“Tell me what to do?” Hayden says, needing to help.

Leave and forget all about me…

That would solve my issues here.

But…

“There isn’t anything you can do,” I whisper.

He nudges his nose against my ear. “I’m sure I can find a few ways to get you out of your head for a few minutes,” he teases.

Yeah, I don’t doubt that. It’s almost impossible to miss the thickness that’s pressing against my ass. But despite how aware I am of the situation, he hasn’t made a single move to address it, seemingly content to just lie here with me.

“You’re a nightmare.”

“Won’t stop you from dreaming about me though, will it?”

I slam my lips closed, unwilling to agree or deny that that has been happening recently.

“What are your plans for tomorrow?” I ask, diverting the topic of conversation.

“Breakfast with my parents before they head home.”