Page 117 of Risking the Pucking Defense

All I want to do is reply, but with everything up in air, doing so feels wrong.

I don’t want to give him the impression that everything is okay, give him hope that this could be going somewhere, but at the same time, I also don’t want to tell him what I’ve done.

Not only does it make it look like I’m actually serious about us having a future, which might be a little premature, but I also don’t want to worry him while he’s away. He needs to be focusing on his job, not concerned about whether I’m about to lose mine.

My need to reply to him only gets stronger as tonight’s game draws closer and his messages become more regular.

He’s freaking out. I don’t need to be there to know that he’s worried about playing without the support of his sister.

My chest tightens at the thought of not being there for him if he needs me. He joked about kissing me becoming a part of his pre-game ritual, and while that isn’t possible, the need to do everything I can to help him go out there confidently burns through me.

His messages continue, and when I glance at the clock and see that he only has minutes before he’ll be going down to the bus, I make a rash decision.

My hand trembles as I lift my cell to my ear, the dial tone piercing through me.

“Hails?” he rasps, and I sink back on my couch.

“Hey,” I whisper, feeling guilty as hell for not responding earlier.

“Is everything okay? I’ve been worried and⁠—”

“Everything is fine,” I lie. “I’ve just been crazy busy.”

“I thought you were meant to be coming with us?”

“Y-yeah, I know,” I stutter, hating that I can’t be stronger for him. “I had a few last-minute things come up and had to switch things around.”

“That’s shit. I miss you.” My chest compresses at the sincerity in his words.

Fucking hell.

“I’m sure you’ve barely even noticed I’m not there,” I say, trying to play it off and distract myself from telling him that I miss him, too.

It’s been two days. It’s ridiculous, but damn it, I do miss him and his goofy smile.

He scoffs. “Hardly. I need to head out in a bit but…I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry, I⁠—”

“You’re busy. I get it. I’m being selfish, I know I am, but…”

“It’s going to be okay, Hayden.”

“Yeah, I know. Hearing your voice helps.”

“I’m glad. I wish there was more I could do.”

“I wish you were here. I wish…I wish I could hold you.”

Goddamn this man.

“You’ll be back before you know it.”

“Will you be waiting for me?”

My heart slams against my ribs. I desperately want to say yes. But I refuse to lie to him. About that, at least. I won’t give him false hope.

“I-I’ve got a lot going on.”