Page 108 of Risking the Pucking Defense

Is there an us?

Can there be an us?

My hand with my cell falls to my side as I sink lower in my bed.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to keep exploring whatever this is with Hayden. He makes me feel…lighter, I guess. I’ve never felt it before. And now I have, I don’t want to lose it.

Hayden: You still there?

I blink at the screen, seeing that more than a few minutes have passed without me responding. But what do I reply to that?

Hailee: What are we doing?

I hesitate to press send. I don’t want to be that person who needs labels and a plan, but…I need some clue of something.

Is this just a bit of fun for Hayden, a distraction while he works through the worst of his grief? Or is he seeing it as more?

He’s certainly said the right words to make me think he might want more than a forbidden fling with someone he wants but can’t have. But then, men say all sorts of shit to get what they want. And hockey players, well…they hold the crown for it. I have to deal with their egos and competitive nature on a daily basis.

But Hayden isn’t like that.

He’s…

“Fuck.”

I hit send and drop my cell to my chest, my heart racing as I wait for a reply.

Hayden: We’re…I don’t know. I don’t know what we’re doing but I do know what I want to do.

Hailee: What do you want?

Hayden: You.

“Holy fuck,” I gasp.

I swear that simple three-letter word shifts the axis of my entire world.

I squeeze my eyes closed as they burn with emotion.

How can he be so sure?

It could be the biggest mistake of his life, and yet, he’s not backing away or running scared. No, he’s sending me smutty pictures of himself with a book and glasses.

Fucking hell, he doesn’t play fair.

Hayden: What do you want?

I wish my answer was as simple as his. Hell, I wish I knew my answer.

Hayden: It’s okay if you’re not ready to answer that.

“Fucking hell.” How does he know? Every time, he just knows where my head is at.

Hailee: What if I’m never ready?

Hayden: I’m a patient man. You take all the time you need. I’d just really like it if we still got to hangout while you figure everything out.

Hailee: I feel like I’ve been trying to figure stuff out all my life. The only thing that’s ever felt right is LA.