Page 78 of Tumbling Hearts

“Okay, I agree with you on the asshole part. But I wouldn’t say you completely ruined her life, man.”

“Well, either way, I’m her boyfriend and I ruined our relationship. How about that?”

Santi shrugs, his hand still on Ray’s shoulder. “And maybe you did. It sounded like she’s really mad at you, which is understandable. Does she even still wanna be with you after that?”

It amazes Ray that Santi is so relaxed with him, even discussing distressing matters such as this. Shouldn’t Santi be furious? But Ray remembers back when he and Harriet broke up—Santi was understanding back then, too. Oh, I don’t deserve such a wonderful friend as you, Santi.

“She said she was giving me one more chance to ‘pull my act together’. I don’t know, Santi. I’ve been feeling weird about staying with her, even before this all happened. But I still care for her, I’ve helped her with her career, she lives with us and has been traveling with us…”

“Do you love her, though?”

That gets Ray to bite his lip. He shakes his head, looking down toward the carpeted floor. “No, I guess not. I’ve been with her for a whole year, and yet…”

Santi raises his pointer finger. “You see, your reluctance to admit anything about your feelings for Gene, and then how you’re able to tell me so easily you’re not in love with Carol, are all the answers I need.”

“Santi!” Ray stares at him, his cheeks feeling blisteringly hot.

“What? I’m just stating what I’m seeing.”

“Well…” Ray huffs. “Even so, it’s not like I can actually be with Gene, anyway. He’s got Toshiko. And even if he were single, we’re both guys! We’re in the Dusty Brooms! We’re becoming international celebrities, basically. I can’t be in a relationship with a man, at least not publicly anyway…”

Santiago pouts his lips to one side. “As much as I hate to say it, I see your point. But I still don’t think you’re doing Carol any favors by staying with her if your heart’s not in the right place.”

“I know. Well… I’ll think about it. The tour is almost over, and I don’t want to make any final decisions like that until we’re done traveling. But even still…”

Santi rubs Ray’s shoulder again. “I know this is rough, man. But I’m here for you. I’m your friend first and foremost, rather than Carol’s. And I’m Gene’s friend, too. Did you want to talk to him about this? Or I can for you, if you don’t want to…”

“N-no, I’ll talk to him. It should be me; it’s my responsibility to tell him about what just happened. Since we don’t have a show until tomorrow night, I won’t have to wait. I’ll tell him sometime tonight, because I doubt Carol’s gonna want to spend any more time with me for a while. So… yeah.”

“I can make sure Carol stays with Pat or something to give you time to do that, if you want.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, Santi.”

“No problem, man. On that thought… is she going to tell Pat?” Santi’s brows lower, concerned.

“I asked Carol not to tell anyone about me and Gene. Since, y’know, I’m worried about this info getting out… Fuck.” He buries his face in his hands, shaking his head against them.

“Your secret’s safe with me, Ray,” Santi says, giving him another reassuring rub on his shoulder. “I’d never do something like that to you. I’m sure Pat’s the same.”

“I don’t know… I’m not ready to tell her yet. Or Stefan—I mean, I barely talk to Stefan as it is. Maybe I’ll wait, see how things go from here, and maybe eventually… My god. Why am I so fucking careless? I’m so worried about ruining the band…”

He breathes heavier, a pressure rising in his skull. But Santiago is still here with him, comforting him before the thoughts veer off into dangerous territory. Honestly, he’s so fucking glad Santi came into his room when he did. If Santi wasn’t here to calm him down after all that with Carol, Ray knows he’d be a stuffy, unruly, sobbing mess.

“I’m in this band too, y’know,” Santi says. “We’re a team. Nothing bad is gonna happen to us, and I’ll make sure of it. If you trust that Carol won’t tattle about you two, then I trust her, too.”

“Yeah. I don’t think she will. But now…” He lifts his head from his hands, staring off toward the TV on the dresser. “I still gotta tell Gene about all this.”

After checking out of their motel, the Dusty Brooms are ready to hit the road to California. Gene hasn’t had much of a chance to talk with Ray this morning, but he definitely wants to. Even though Ray assured him before he’d left the room that things would be fine, Gene’s been worried about Carol finding out what Ray did with the lingerie. His nerves had been eating away at his core, not wanting to be alone in his empty room, so he hung out with Maurice and Nicky for a bit this morning before they were ready to leave.

And now, it’s time to board the bus. After stuffing their luggage in the compartments on the bus’ side, Gene walks up the steps and finds a spot in the middle next to a window. Carol and Pat rush in next, with, oddly, Carol dragging Pat into the back area where the bunk beds are. That can’t be a good sign. Gene’s nerves tangle in a knot again, a lump forming in his throat. Something must’ve happened between Ray and Carol—exactly what he was afraid of.

Ray himself boards next, looking down the aisle. He makes eye contact with Gene. As if he were in a hurry, he shuffles down the aisle, sitting down in the unoccupied spot next to Gene, setting his small carry-bag on the floor.

“Hey Ray,” Gene says, turning more toward his best friend.

“Hey Gene.” Ray is wearing a scarf around his neck, obviously to cover up the hickey. He also looks to be wearing concealer, not just on what Gene can see of his neck but on his face as well. Ray glances toward the aisle again, giving Santiago a friendly wave as he walks by. Maurice and Nicky follow, heading back to the same area as Santi.

“Is… something the matter?” Gene dares to ask.