Page 49 of Tumbling Hearts

“Shut up, it’s fine.” Ray laughs it off. “Everything’s settled and no one will have to worry.”

“If you say so.” Pat shrugs.

“How much time has passed, anyway?” Carol asks, not looking at anyone in particular, but off into space. “I was getting worried you got lost.”

“I didn’t, I’m fine!” Ray reassures. “You’ve been having fun, babe?”

There’s that term again that grates Gene’s insides. He tries to ignore it.

“Yeah, they’ve got some good snacks here.” Carol nods. “Dennis is a pretty good DJ, too; he’s working the stereo over there.” It’s hard to hear over the chatter, but faintly, Gene can hear the newest T. Rex album playing in the distance.

“Well, he better be a good DJ. He’s got a good ear to find the Dusty Brooms in the first place, to want to be our manager,” Ray laughs.

“Come on, let’s get a bit closer to the music.” Carol grabs Ray’s shoulder, pulling him closer to her.

“Oh, uh… okay!” Ray doesn’t even hesitate; he simply lets her drag him away from the table and around the other people, leaving Gene in the dust.

There Gene is, standing by Pat and Nicky, dumbstruck, unable to chase after the one he wants the most.

He shouldn’t be upset. He knew this would happen, as it does every time Ray is around Carol. That’s just how life is. He shouldn’t let it get to him. But it hurts so much more, remembering what happened only minutes ago. The way Ray held him against the counter, fucking him, pleasuring him out of his goddamn mind…

“Well, did you have anything you wanted to do tonight, Gene?” It’s Nicky asking.

“Oh, uh… no, nothing in particular. Just hanging out with you guys, I guess.”

“Alright. Did you want a hit, man?” He holds out his joint.

“Yeah, sure.” Gene doesn’t have to think twice. He accepts it gladly, sucking in the smoke as if his life depends on it.

It probably does, honestly.

He knows he’ll need more than just one joint to calm his racing mind.

After their third show of the tour, Ray’s been having a good time. Being on stage, making music with the Dusty Brooms, singing for all their energetic fans and being close to Gene—it’s everything he could ask for. The first two shows were in Detroit, and today they finished performing at the Cleveland Stadium in Ohio. They’re still driving the bus around from city to city instead of flying, but at least now all the main band members have their own hotel rooms in each place they stay. Ray still shares one with Carol, but he doesn’t need to worry about kicking Santiago out if she wants to be… intimate.

Which… Ray hasn’t been intimate with her at all since the tour started. She hasn’t asked, hasn’t pushed it, and Ray hasn’t initiated anything either. He’s worried she’ll get restless soon. But he can’t focus on her—all that’s been on his mind is Gene. How he pulled him into the dressing room a few nights ago, held him against the counter, fucking him relentlessly…

And yet, Ray has been paranoid. Too afraid to try that stunt again. If he tries it after every show, people might get suspicious. Why are you always losing something, taking Gene to the dressing room to go find it with you? There’s probably other tricks he could pull, but he hasn’t been crafty enough to figure them out yet. He’d thought of just dropping into Gene’s hotel room, but what would Carol do in the meantime? How would he shake her off? Maybe that idea will just have to wait until she finally goes to one of her modeling gigs.

But as he thinks that last thought, sitting in a beach chair beside Carol around the outdoor pool of their Holiday Inn, another thought slaps him in the face.

I’m such a piece of shit for wanting to cheat on her again and again, aren’t I?

He glances over at her, lounging in her bikini, her skin glistening under the tall lamps lighting up the pool. A dagger stabs his heart. She never deserved to be treated like this. Every time he reminds himself of what he’s doing, he second guesses everything. As much as he wants Gene, should he really be sneaking around, lying to his girlfriend about what he’s doing?

To be fair, Gene’s doing the same thing. He’s actually in a relationship with a woman, too. But at least she’s not here with them, being on her own tour in Japan. It’s funny—Ray doesn’t think Gene has mentioned Toshiko much at all since he got back home from his trip there. It’s almost like she only exists when Gene can physically see her.

So, Ray is being shitty to his girlfriend, and so is Gene. Which doesn’t make the situation any better. But he has to keep appearances. He can’t ruin the band with their relationship worries, especially when it involves him having sex with another man.

Oh god, if this gets out, all hell would break loose.

A breeze hits his skin, giving him a chill, made worse by the fact he’s only in his swim bottoms.

His mind keeps drifting to a thought he’d had back during that vacation in St. Ignace with Gene: what if he breaks up with Carol?

Though what always stops him from doing that is one simple thing—how would Carol feel? What would happen to her if he were to break it off then and there? She basically abandoned her old life to come with the Brooms on tour and live with them. Ray is the one who wanted her in the first place, right? How shitty does that make him to want her one minute, then dump her the next? She’s become attached to him; he can’t just break off their connection as if it were nothing, as easy as cutting a string with scissors. It’s more complicated than that. Their lives have become intertwined—knots jumbled together.

Thinking about it further makes his head hurt, and he hasn’t even had anything to drink yet.