Page 107 of Tumbling Hearts

“Oh, really?” Gene turns in his seat to face her better. “No, I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry I need to be away so much.” She pouts. “But my parents will want to spend time with me for Christmas, and I’m going to perform a live show for New Year’s. The countdown is big in Tokyo, and there are always many musical acts. I’m going to be one of them this year.”

“That’s great though, for your career.” Gene smiles.

“Yes, but I only have a little more than a week staying with you here in Michigan before I need to leave again. And I assume you’ll want to stay here in America, to celebrate Christmas with your own family.”

“That’s true.” Gene shrugs. “Well, you can always come visit again when you’re done with all that. I don’t think we’ll be touring again for a few more months, especially since in February we’ll be attending the Grammy’s.” Dennis had let them know the news while they were still in LA, how the Dusty Brooms were nominated for ‘Best New Artist’.

“Yes, that’s great. But… you really don’t mind that I need to be gone so much?” She tilts her head, brows creasing in concern.

If he’s honest, no, he doesn’t mind one bit. He likes spending time with her, of course, but if she were always around like Carol was, he’d go crazy. He’d never have any alone time with Ray if that were the case. But should he really be wanting those moments with Ray, anyway? Ray isn’t his boyfriend. He can’t just two-time a relationship like that and keep his girlfriend completely out of the know.

He wants to be respectful to Toshiko, at least when she’s around. He can’t let on that there’s something else going on behind the scenes.

“I mean… I’ll miss you when you’re gone,” Gene says. “But I also don’t want to get in the way of your career, either. I understand having obligations, and if you need to attend to them, you gotta do it.”

“Sou da ne.” She nods. “I enjoy making music, doing what I’m doing. As long as you’re fine with it, it should work out.”

“For sure.”

He can’t let on that anything has happened between him and Ray. Not just for Toshiko’s sake, but for the band’s image, too. He thinks of the guy from the Kilotones he punched—Jack Fisher. The horrible words Jack had said to Ray. What if instead of a picture of Jack with a bloody nose in that magazine, someone had snapped a shot of Ray sitting on Gene’s lap? What if rumors started, mocking Ray and Gene for being queer?

While it is true he’s queer—he can’t deny his sexuality at this point—it’d be too dangerous for that information to become public knowledge. It’s becoming more and more apparent to him why Ray was so hesitant to break up with Carol. It’s why Gene himself wants to stay with Toshiko. Not just because he likes her, but because if he’s with a woman, it’ll put him more on ‘the right track’. There’ll be less rumors. They’ll be safer from ridicule.

It just can’t work out romantically between him and Ray; his own desires don’t even matter. They’re just best friends. That’s all they ever can be.

But he can try harder to make it work with Toshiko.

“You wanna head to the room? Take a hit with me?” Gene asks. Another substance crosses his mind, too, but maybe he’ll wait to have some of that whenever she falls asleep. He can take it with Nicky.

“Sure,” she says with a smile. “It’s nice to do it with you. I don’t smoke as often with Hiro.”

He chuckles at that. “Yeah, I get it. Well, alright. Let’s head up.”

Then he turns the TV off, grabs a bag of chips from the kitchen, and leads Toshiko upstairs to his bedroom.

Gene acts rather differently when Toshiko’s here versus when Toshiko’s not here, Ray has witnessed. When she is here, Gene spends almost every waking minute with her, making it awkward for Ray to want to chat or hang out. How can he? The man Ray cares for, has kissed, has fucked, is being intimate with someone else. Of course Ray doesn’t want to be near when she’s around.

But when Toshiko is not here, Gene is much more amiable towards Ray. Today is finally New Year’s Eve, and she’s been gone since December 23rd. While Ray and Gene haven’t had sex since she’s left, Gene has still been more openly affectionate. It’s been nice; it’s like how their friendship used to be before anyone ever had a girlfriend. They’d play music, write down song ideas, and in general just enjoy each other’s company. Even just sitting together on the couch watching TV, thighs rubbing against each other, makes warmth bloom within Ray’s chest.

But despite Santiago already knowing their situation and Pat possibly understanding—Stefan and Nicky likely not caring—Ray can sense Gene’s hesitation to go any further. The most romantic thing they’ve done since Toshiko left is briefly kiss when alone in Ray’s bedroom, but Gene stops before Ray has a chance to try anything else. It’s so unlike how he was during their quick trip to LA, where he didn’t hesitate to rip Ray’s clothes off as soon as Toshiko was gone.

It could be because he doesn’t want anyone else in the house to hear them. But it could also be something else, something that Ray has been dreading: what if Gene has had a change of heart?

It’s certainly possible, given how much time he spent with Toshiko while she was here.

But that doesn’t seem right. I feel like something else is going on with him.

Either way, Ray can’t figure it out. Yet maybe this sort of distance could be fine for the moment. What if he himself is taking things too far? They’ve already been so brazen with things, risking Carol finding out. It probably is for the best if they cool it for a while.

But that doesn’t mean he wants to stray away from Gene. No, Ray wants to spend as much time as possible by his side.

And so, he does, as they get drinks together in the kitchen of their Lake Orion home. They’re having a party tonight for New Year’s Eve and everyone they know is invited—Dennis, Mick, Maurice, Kenneth, their roadies from the tour, and even a couple of Santi’s brothers all pack in. There are a few people Ray doesn’t recognize, friends of friends, he guesses. At least their house is rather large, giving them plenty of space for everyone to congregate.

“Got any New Year’s resolutions?” Gene asks Ray, taking a sip of his drink.

Ray shrugs. “I guess just the same as it’s been, wanting the band to grow. But that’s more of a group effort than anything I want to work on personally.”