Page 65 of Brutal Captivity

Leo watches, pride written all over his face, but he never walks too far away from me. His warm hand rests on my back, and I have never felt so safe. “Okay… I think you’re ready to ride.”

“In here?” I ask.

“You’re not gonna go fast. There’s plenty of space.” He gestures to the open space, concrete floor below us. He’s right. His garage is huge and it’s only partly taken up by tools.

“All you’re going to do is slowly let the clutch go, then you’re going to walk with it. Come to a stop, using your front brake, then we’ll back up and do it again.”

I take a deep steadying breath and do as instructed. He walks behind me, hand never leaving my lower back. It makes me feel both safe and like my body is on fire. The desire to be bent over this bike is so strong, I can’t take it.

I do this for a while, and when the bike is idling, it’s not that loud, so we get to talk. I tell him more about my childhood, and the private boarding school I attended in Italy. Leo shares stories about Daron, Evan and Fletcher, making me laugh so hard, I almost fall off the bike. It’s the most fun I believe I’ve ever had, and I don't want it to end.

When I’m able to put my feet on the pegs and ride across the garage, it is the most rewarding feeling I’ve ever known. Maybe I will get a motorcycle, if I survive tonight.

“Okay, I think that’s all we can accomplish in my garage. Let’s eat some lunch, then it’s time for the next activity,” Leo says, with a huge smile. I stop, swinging my leg over the bike and kick on the stand. I smile in response.

Leo looks so proud, his chest puffed out and eyes sparkling in the glow of the fairy lights. He looks so beautiful, my heart flutters, like it doesn’t know how to process this exact image. I nod, sad to stop doing this new activity I’ve come to enjoy, but curiousto see what else Leo has planned.

twenty-nine

“I’m not a very creative person.” - Leo

“Okay.So,what’stherest of the surprise? I don’t think I can wait much longer.” Callisto’s smile is wide and his eyes are gleaming in the bright light of the kitchen. I was waiting for it. I could tell he's been itching to ask me throughout our light lunch.

The conversation had been deep as we learned more about each other. I tried my best to be as open with Callisto as possible, wanting to lay myself bare for him to see. I figure if I’m going to die in a matter of hours, I may as well.

We shared our fears. I told Callisto that I’m scared of deep water, and that I’m not very good at swimming. He told me that he is scared of heights, but he always wondered what it would be like to fly. I shared more about myself with him, even going as far as opening up more about my biological family and my life on the streets.

Callisto, in return, told me about how lonely he’s been. Why he doesn't have friends and about his strained relationship with his own family. I find myself smiling at him more often than not, wishing the ending of our story didn’t have to taste so bitter. Wishing we could have met in another way, in a different life, in an alternative universe where our relationship would make sense, and I would be more deserving of someone like him.

“C’mon, Lee. You’re killing me,” Callisto whines, and I snap out of my fantasy about meeting him as a rich businessman who could give him everything he deserves with clean money. I shake my head, blinking my eyes a few times to bring him back into focus. He is pouting, his green eyes big and doe-like.

“I could never kill you,” I respond quietly, and I’m not sure why I say it. I feel the need to put it out there, in case Callisto doesn’t know.

I am capable of a lot of violence. I have tortured people for information. I have killed people for less, but I could never hurt him. I’d much rather hurt myself before I’d let anything happen to Callisto.

“I know you couldn’t. I know that now,” Callisto assures me, reaching for my hand across the table, his eyes so honest it hurts my chest. Hishand is large and warm, slotting into mine perfectly like a glove in the winter. He makes me feel safe, and it’s kind of ironic given that I will be marching to my death with him in a few short hours.

I glance at the clock, anxiety gnawing at my stomach with each second that passes by. It is like the countdown on a bomb, and every muscle in my body tenses, bracing for the inevitable explosion. Callisto. Callisto’s the bomb and the explosion, but I refuse to let that happen. I don’t know how to stop it.

“So… umm… ready for your surprise?” I ask, clearing my throat to break the tension that has built up in the room.

I glance over to the invisible elephant that seems to be taking up all the air and space. It’s big and pink, and I refuse to acknowledge it. If I don't acknowledge it then it’s not there. Right?

I know that is completely illogical. At 7 o’clock, I will escort Callisto to Peadar. They will strap a live bomb to Callisto and walk into his family home. There is no stopping it. It’s a fixed point in time, one that we are hurtling toward at top speed.

“Yeah. I’ve been ready. What is it?” Callisto’s voice is excited, eyes wide. I want to keep him. I want to be selfish and keep him forever, but I can’t.

“Follow me.” I get up from the table and lead him upstairs, into the guest bedroom. Callisto looks confused, watching me with curious eyes.

For some reason, I am extremely nervous. I try to tamp it down, telling myself that I know Callisto will love this. I take another deep breath before opening the door, revealing what I had set up earlier. I walk into the room, and turn around, not wanting to miss a moment of Callisto’s reaction.

“Painting supplies?” Callisto asks, full lips shaped into an ‘o’ reflecting his surprise. His eyes are even wider, sparkling in the sunlit room like drops of dew on a blade of grass in the early morning light.

“Yeah. Well, yesterday you said that if you could spend your last day on Earth doing anything, you said you’d like to paint. So yeah, I thought we could spend the day doing something we both enjoy. Riding my bike this morning, then I thought maybe you could teach me to paint,” I ramble, my anxiety getting the best of me. But my rambling stops when Callisto’s lips find mine, capturing them in a sweet kiss. I melt into it, savoring it while I can.

“Thank you, Lee. Thank you so much.” Callisto’s smile is so wide that it takes up my entire heart, making it feel too full.

I try to commit that smile to memory, never wanting to lose it. If I somehow survive tonight, Callisto will still be gone forever. His smile will no longer fillup this room, or my heart. So, I pretend to capture it, hanging it on the wall of my mind, never intending to take it down.