Page 57 of Brutal Captivity

“Well, he wants us to kill Nico for starters.” I can’t look Nico in the eye as I say it. I keep my gaze trained on Callisto, whose mouth falls open in horror. I grimace, nodding to reaffirm my statement.

I don't know Nico that well. I’ve barely interacted with him, but he is important to Callisto. He must not be that bad since Callisto has such good morals or whatever. He definitely doesn’t deserve to die executioner-style on some shitty dock, then have his weighed-down body being thrown into the deepest part of the ocean.

“What?” Nico asks, the word high-pitched and squeaky. My gaze finally lands on Nico, his brown eyes wide and scared, mirroring Callisto’s expression. My heart hurts at the sight. Fuck. They don’t deserve this.

I am such a horrible person for ever getting them into this. A lot of the people I have inadvertently hurt in the past probably didn’t deserve it. How many mothers and widows have suffered because of my actions? How many nights did they spend praying their child or spouse would come home? The only reason why I care this time is because I’ve gotten to know my victims and am even falling for one. What does that say about me? I can make this right, though. I can.

“Yeah, he found out that you’re just Callisto’s assistant. I don’t know how, though. The only people that knew were us, Fletcher and Evan. I guess he could’ve had someone else check. I think he’s suspicious of me,” I respond, trying to think of someone else Peadar could have asked to check.

“Fuck. What does he want to do with Callisto?” Daron asks, pulling me out of my paranoia. I had forgotten that I hadn’t even told them the full plan. I start, but stop, the words dying on my lips. I can’t even fucking say them. Daron, Callisto, and Nico are all looking at me expectantly, so I take a deep breath to steady my shaking body. I lick my lip, recalling what Peadar had said.

“Tomorrow night, he wants to strap a bomb vest to Callisto, then hold a gun to his head in order to get into his family home. Once in, he wants to tell his dad that if he doesn’t give us money and certain art pieces, we will detonate the bomb and kill everyone in there, after we leave of course,” I recount, my voice hollow as I try to distance myself from the situation.

I tell the story as if I am someone that just witnessed the conversation, not a part of it. Not as if I have any kind of investment. It’s the only way I can get it out without panicking. I can’t have a panic attack in front of Daron and Nico. I’ve already done it in front of Callisto, and that was something I’m not ready to think about.

“We won’t do it,” Daron proclaims, looking at Callisto with kind eyes. Daron warned me not to get attached, but at that point, it was already too late. Now it’s definitely too late, after what had occurred last night. I am attached. To Callisto.

I do wonder if my attachment may be the reason why I think that Peadar hasn’t told me the whole plan, that there’s more to his plan that he is letting on.Am I making excuses just because I don’t want Callisto to leave or maybe I think I can somehow keep him for myself.

But my bad feeling is coming from the words that were left unsaid during mine and Peadar’s conversation. The secrets hidden in the inflection of our dialogue. I can’t shake the feeling that there is more. That Peadar has something else he’s doing, so I don't think it has anything to do with my own desire tokeep Callisto to myself, even though he doesn’t belong in my world. I’m not even sure if I belong in it anymore. I certainly don't belong in Callisto’s world, though.

“I didn’t mean ‘we’ as in ‘you and I’. It’s going to be me and Peadar. He wants to accompany me on this mission,” I clarify, shaking my head at Daron. My friend’s eyes widen at that, the importance of what I had told him sinking in. Nico and Callisto look confused at Daron’s reaction, their brows creasing together in an identical manner. They look so similar with their facial expressions, they could be related. It would be comical if the situation wasn’t so dire.

“If he’s going with you, it’s either important or–” Daron starts.

“Or he doesn’t trust me,” I cut in to finish. “It could go either way, but I’m going to bet that he doesn’t trust me. It could also be both, I suppose. For some reason, Callisto has always seemed important to him–”

“If he doesn’t trust you, then why would he let you go in the first place? Why not take one of his other cronies?” Daron asks, and this time it’s his turn to cut me off. I rack my brain for an explanation because it’s definitely a good question, one that I hadn’t even considered. I go through all possible motives in my head but can’t come up with any. Maybe I am being paranoid, and Peadar doesn’t have any ulterior motives.

“I don’t know…” I begin, my voice sounding defeated, but then an answer dawns on me. “It could be to keep an eye on me, to see where my loyalty lies.” It’s plausible and definitely something Peadar would do. I am one of his best and most loyal men, so it would make sense as to why Peadar wouldn’t want to cut me off so abruptly. He would want to give me a chance to redeem myself and prove my loyalty to the organization once again.

“Fuck,” Nico says, shutting his mouth abruptly and looking at Callisto guiltily. I grin because Callisto can’t say shit anymore about cursing. Callisto pats Nico on the shoulder as if to say ‘don’t worry about it’, and Nico looks relieved.

“How are we going to get out of this?” Daron asks, his voice hesitant as if the very question is laced with poison and putting it in the air will kill someone. I have been running the exact same question through my mind since I left the meeting, and it hasn’t killed me yet.

“I’m not. You all are,” I start, the words leaving my mouth on a sigh. Daron and Callisto both look like they are about to say something, so I quickly continue with my plan, “Take Callisto and Nico to your safe house. Give them new identities and names, passports, the whole nine. Go to Kiki and get my money, so they can use that to start new lives.”

“What about you?” Callisto asks, already shaking his head at my plans, dark curls flying around his head with the momentum. Daron nods along to Callisto’s question, probably getting ready to ask the very same thing. I shake my head in response, though, because they aren’t going to like the answer. I already knew Daron would need some persuasion, but I wasn’t expecting Callisto to care about what happens to me.

“Me? I can’t go with you. Peadar doesn’t trust me. He will probably have eyes on me tonight and tomorrow. I’ll distract them while you all sneak out. Peadar’s not suspicious of you, D. You can get them out and keep them safe,” I explain, my eyes pleading. I need to express to Daron how important this is. This is the only thing that I’m asking, to keep Callisto and Nico safe from all of this. Daron can do that. I know it. He’s the only person in the world I would trust with such an important task.

“No. He will kill you!” Callisto exclaims, shaking his head again, this time not as fast. It’s a subtle shake, meant only for me. His eyes are pleading, the phrase coming out just on the side of begging.

My heart breaks a tiny bit because it seems as though Callisto does care. He gives a damn whether I live or die, and I’m not sure what to do with that information. It both warms my heart and scares the fuck out of me. Callisto hasn’t known me that long, even started off the week hating me. Something shifted, and I felt it, too. That’s why we are having this conversation. I give a fuck whether Callisto lives or dies.

“Yes, he will. It’s fine. It’s more important that you make it out safely, Callisto. I don’t care if he kills me. You all don’t deserve it.” My voice is strong and unwavering because I mean every single word. I don’t give a fuck if Peadar kills me. I have lived a horrible fucking life, and I have done atrocious things. I am no better than the people I kill, so I may as well die a man instead of a monster. This is the only way I could ever redeem myself. It needs to be done.

“You don’t either,” Callisto insists, his voice unwavering as well, the very tone putting a period at the end of his sentence.

I am getting irritated. What does Callisto not understand? This is the only possible way for him to survive. It’s the only way out of the situation. The situation that I put him in. What isn’t clicking for him? Why is he being so fucking stubborn? I expected this from Daron, was even ready to argue with my best friend, but not from Callisto. Daron hardly ever questions me, but he’s nodding his head so aggressively, I’m afraid it might fall off.

“Yes, I do. I deserve it more than you all. Please, go,” I beg, the last word barely above a whisper. I try to convey with my eyes how dangerous this is. How they need to follow my orders, but Callisto is still shaking his head.

I continue, trying to persuade him, “I’ll have someone buy you some fancy clothes, Callisto, so you don’t have to wear any more of mine. You will feel more like yourself in them, even though you will be changing identities.”

“No. Leo. I’m not doing this. Daron can take Nico to the safe house. I’m not leaving you to die. No.” Callisto's posture is stiff, unmoving, much like his stance in our conversation. His arms are crossed in front of the expanse of his chest. It’s hot but now is not the time to get turned on.

I will never feel him again. I tell myself that the possibility of never kissing Callisto again doesn’t bother me. I tell myself that I don’t deserve to kiss someone as innocent as Callisto to begin with. It’s like blood tainting snow, and that I won’t miss it once I’m dead. It doesn’t work. A stabbing sensation shoots through my chest at the very thought, blood pulsing onto the snowy landscape.