Page 47 of Brutal Captivity

I want to draw him. To paint him. To hang this version of him in a gallery where no one can touch it because it’s raw and pure. It's the most accurate depiction of humanity I have ever witnessed, and my chest aches from the sight of it alone.

“I know you think I’m a monster, and you’re right…” he starts.

“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head vigorously. Leo's mouth remains open, his brows drawn in confusion at my response. Before he can argue, I continue, “I don’t think you’re a monster. You’re human. You cry and laugh. You have dreams and nightmares. You bleed. Monsters don’t bleed.”

Leo shakes his head, his whole body moving with the motion as he pulls away from me. He looks panicked again, trapped. He braces his hands on the walls of the shower to try to hoist himself up.

“No. No! I am! I am a monster. Monsters bleed. De Luca’s blood was red, the same color as mine. He fucking bled on my hands today, and I didn’t feel bad about killing him for a single fucking second!” His voice gets louder with every word he utters, and I barely manage to cover a wince.

“Leo,” I try to interrupt, but he talks over me, his arms quaking, about to give out any second now.

“I still don’t feel any sort of guilt. The bastard deserved to have his dick chopped off and shoved down his throat. I laughed while torturing the fucker. I watched the fucking light leave his eyes, and I don’t care.” Leo’s eyes are wide, almost manic as he looks back at me. I try not to react. Try not to pictureDe Luca with his own bloody flesh in his mouth while Leo grins with triumph. I swallow down a surge of bile, the horrific image making me physically sick.

“Please,” I whisper, wanting Leo to stop talking. He is clearly trying to scare me, and it’s working. I can't shake the imagery from my head. I’ve never seen the light leave anyone’s eyes like Leo describes, but it sounds horrifying.

“I don’t feel any sort of remorse for taking his life, and I would do it again!” Leo’s arms give out, his body landing heavily right in front of mine. He grabs my face, forcing me to gaze into his eyes. “I’m a monster, Callisto! Call me a fucking monster!”

“No. You’re not a monster. I will not call you a monster again. I should have never said it in the first place. You said so yourself, there is a difference between people like you and people like De Luca. I can see that now.” I grab Leo’s wrists, but he refuses to relinquish his grip on my jawline.

“No. No. No!” Leo shakes his head, finally letting go of my face.

“You saved Nico when you didn’t have to,” I say, talking right over his outburst. I reach out and grab his face instead, forcing him to look at me. “You’ve never once hurt me, even when I bashed you over the head…”

“No!” Leo interrupts, fisting my hoodie and trying to push me away. But I don’t budge.

I don't falter, my voice rising louder than his as I continue to talk over him. “You wouldn’t hurt the people you love.”

“No!” Leo shakes me, his fingers wound so tightly in the fabric I fear they may break.

“You proved that today when you refused to kill your sister.” I place my hands over his. They’re frigid, but his grip relaxes a fraction.

“Shut up, Callisto! Just shut the fuck up!” Leo shakes his head vehemently, flinging drops of water all over me. One lands in my eye, but I don't flinch, refusing to break eye contact for even a split second.

I move to cup his cheeks with both hands, the scruff scratchy against my palms before he finally stops shaking his head. He averts his gaze, a fat tear clumping his lashes together before spilling over. I lean down, forcing him to make eye contact. “You are not a monster, Leo.”

“We both kill!” Leo pulls away from my grip. “We both do horrible, questionable things! He’s a monster, and I am as well! Call me a monster, Callisto!”

“No.” It’s my turn to deny him.

“Please! Call me a fucking monster!” Leo shakes me so hard my brain rattles in my skull.

“No.” The word waivers because he’s still shaking me.

“Please! Call me what I am!” He stops, grabbing my collar and pulling me closer, his nose inches away from mine.

“Human.” My breath wooshes over his face, finality ringing in my tone.

“I’m a fucking monster!” Leo screams, shaking me one final time before shoving me away.

I don’t allow the distance, pressing myself right back into his chest. “No. You’re not. Human. You’re human, Leone.” The Italian word for Lion slips out of my mouth before I can stop it. Leo doesn’t even notice, just continues to beg me to call him a monster, his voice utterly wrecked from his screams.

I still refuse, softly repeating the wordhumanover and over again. He tries to punch the shower wall, but I grab his arms, pulling them around me and holding them tight. I have no idea how long we stay like that. Leo continues to hold me tight, begging me to call him a monster. It’s like he needs validation to hate himself, but I refuse to give him that. I have tried hating Leo—almost succeeded—but over the past few days I've realized I can’t. I can’t hate him, and I am not sure what to do with that information.

Eventually his screams quieten to hollow hiccups, and he squeezes me like I’m the only thing keeping his world from falling into oblivion. He trembles against me. It is a good idea to get him out of the shower and into something warm. I am also freezing, my clothes soaked through from Leo's body and the wet tile.

I don't say anything as I drape Leo’s heavy arm over my shoulder and hoist his big body into a standing position. When he stumbles, I brace myself against the shower wall. I don't want either of us to get hurt tonight. Leo seems to be hurting enough for the both of us, and I still feel like he is keeping something from me. It couldn’t have been Peadar’s orders to kill his sister alone that sent him over the edge.

I ponder this as I help him into the bedroom. I avert my eyes as I quickly towel off his naked body, then I pull back the duvet on his bed, revealing the clean white sheets. I help him down, covering his nudity a moment later.