Page 33 of Brutal Captivity

“I can’t, Peadar. I just can’t. I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you, but I can’t. I know you all need me to keep you safe. I know that. I swear. You all are my family, but I can’t kill her.” My legs go weak, forcing me to sit down on the stairs. I need to find a way out of this. Peadar’s right, though. I don't know Violet any more than I know Callisto, and I would’ve killed Callisto had Peadar asked me to. Fuck. Maybe I am as evil as Callisto believes. Maybe Peadar is, too. How could he expect me to do this? How? Bile rises in my throat.

“I see. Well, have Daron or Fletcher do it.” Those words hit me like a punch.

“They…” I start, but Peadar cuts me off.

“You don’t have to be the one to do it. Just see that it’s done.” There’s finality in Peadar’s tone. He’s not going to change his mind no matter how much I beg. Does he even care about me at all?

“Yes, sir,” I respond after a few moments, taking a deep breath. I want to pretend this never happened. Continue to believe that Peadar cares for me and justify his actions against innocent people.

“That’s my boy. Now get to work. I expect a report on my desk about your findings tomorrow.” The words leave Peadar’s mouth wrapped in a smug, unmistakable smile. My stomach churns, the coffee threatening to reenter the world once more. It’s not enough. I am still in so much pain my body is slowly breaking from the pressure. Something's got to give, and it may be my sanity.

“Okay, sir,” I manage to get out before I disconnect the call.

All I can picture are Violet's features, the ones I became reacquainted with after so long. Her face morphs into that of the little girl from my memories, but her eyes, the same ones she has now, are dead. They used to sparkle with light as I tickled her until she was gasping for air. The light in her eyes and the breath in her lungs will be gone soon because of me.

I told her that I would never let her get hurt like that again. I’m a liar. A pathetic liar. She’s going to get hurt. All because of me. I can’t protect her. I can’t save her. I can’t do anything. I’m useless. The same as De Luca. Maybe the only difference between us is that I lie to myself about what I am. A monster. Just like De Luca. Just like Altieri.

sixteen

“So… are we gonna talk like civil gentlemen, or do we have to make this hurt?”- Leo

Aftersittinginthestairwell for a few minutes, I’m finally able to collect myself. I haven’t felt like that since I was a young child, and I don't have time for this shit. I have weighed all of my options in my head, but the ache in my chest is still there. As much as I try to ignore it—to lock it in a box along with every other emotion revolving around my family—the pressure doesn't ease.

I take a deep breath, then another, readying myself. I kiss my lion's head pendant and tuck it back down into my collar. I slowly get off the floor, running my fingers through my hair. I shake my hands, stretching my neck and rolling my shoulders, as if I’m preparing to run a marathon.

Once I am more put together, I step out of the stairwell, hoping the panic I felt isn’t written all over my face. I immediately spot Daron holding on to Violet as if he is afraid, she will run. If she's smart, she would.

“What did he say?” Daron asks as soon as I am within earshot. My heart stops beating at his question. Nausea surges all over again as my lungs constrict for air. I force a deep breath, then another. Daron looks concerned but doesn't say anything as he waits for my answer.

“Get out of here, Violet,” I finally say on a sigh. I can’t do it. I cannot follow through with Peadar’s order. I would never be able to sleep at night. My heart feels lighter with this decision, as if it is about to float away. If Peadar finds out I let her go, he will kill me. There is no doubt in my mind, but I will gladly trade my life for my sister's.

“What?” she asks, gray eyes roaming over my face. Before she can ask anything else, I cut her off.

“Hide. Don’t tell anyone you saw us. Lay low. Get out of the city. Just don’t come anywhere near here again. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” she nods, her eyes wide as if she wasn’t expecting me to say that. I close my own, flashbacks of our mother surfacing. She looks so much like her it’s painful. My mom has darker hair, but other than that, the similarities betweenher and Violet are startling. I look a lot like our mom too, but I have learned to deal with the feeling of betrayal every time I look in the mirror. I have come to accept it, but this is much more difficult. I was not prepared.

“Good. Give me your phone.” I hold out my hand. She doesn't hesitate, placing her phone in it. I talk as I type, “You haven’t seen me since I was fourteen. Do not forget that. Leave the city as soon as you can. It’s not safe anymore. This is my phone number. One that’s safe. Call it if you are ever in trouble. That’s the only reason you are to ever call. It has to be an emergency. A woman named Kiki might answer it. If she does, tell her who you are, and that you are looking for me. She will get the message to me. Do you understand that?”

Violet’s eyes are wide with the influx of information. I know I’m talking quickly, my tone lacking any encouragement, but I’m running out of time. I’m saving her life, but I’m also damning her. Unless she leaves the city for good, she will always have to be incognito or she will die, and I will die with her. I am gambling with my own life right now, but I cannot kill her.

“I never forgot you, Lele. I’m so sorry for what he did…” Violet starts, her bottom lip trembling as her face twists with anguish. I cannot handle this right now. We’re wasting precious time.

When Violet slams her body against mine, hugging me close, I wrap my arms around her, breathing her in. “Shh. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” Even though she’s wearing Daron’s jacket, she smells so much like our mom, I can’t decide if I want to push her away or hug her tighter. I hold my breath and close my eyes, forcing the memories back into the box I keep tucked away in the dark recesses of my mind.

“Thank you, Lele. Thank you.” She cries into my shoulder. I pet her hair for a few minutes, opening my eyes to find Daron staring at us. I can’t quite decide if Daron looks worried or pitying. It may be a combination of both. I break eye contact, forcing myself to pull back. I grab Violet’s shoulders.

“Go. Now,” I order, and that’s all she needs. She mouths, “I love you” to me then she’s gone, running down the stairs. A large bruise stains the back of her thigh as she retreats, a grim marker of the moment I interrupted.

I stare at the spot she left for several moments, letting the gravity of the situation sink in. By letting her go, I signed my death certificate. I’d gladly do it again. When we were kids, I protected her from our father. I will continue to protect her now– from Peadar. From myself.

After my eyes start to feel dry, I blink them back into focus and take a deep breath, then another, mentally preparing myself for what I have to do. I light a cigarette as I walk into the room, Daron following behind.

I take a moment to feel the rage simmering in my system, allowing it to numb me. Extreme hot and cold are very similar in the way that they can both burn. I felt like I was burning, as if acid was running rampant in my veins, the rage pushing it through my bloodstream, but now, I feel cold.

I walk into the room, finding De Luca tied up on a chair, Fletcher standing behind him. He has an item of clothing over his lap, but I can clearly tell he’s tenting it, his dick still hard beneath it.

“Well boys, looks like Altieri can’t get good help these days... even his right hand man is just another shit stain. Limp dick syndrome has him popping pills just to rape the help.” My icy tone drags the temperature down to near arctic levels.