Page 30 of Koda's Love

“Well, what’s going on?” my mom asked as she passed around the dessert plates.

I told them everything, from the situation with Avalon and Tamika to the conversation with Jacoby. I shared with them exactly how I felt about it all. Our family was close, and Mycah was now included in that, so I wasn’t ashamed to tell them my real feelings. I knew my family would never judge me, and they would give me the best advice.

“It’s just that I never had to worry about someone’s feelings before. I don’t know if I’m in over my head or what,” I told them, then put a piece of pie and ice cream in my mouth.

“Nah, Bro, you aren’t. You’re scared because you really care, and you let Jacoby get into your head. You know he’s had it rough, and he’s not trying to change that. You know how to treat women because we’ve had a great example of it our whole lives.” He glanced at my father.

My brother was cool with Jacoby, but he had said that he was a bad influence in my life over the years. He never stressed it because he knew I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to do, but he’d told me plenty of times not to let Jacoby’s life and thoughts be mine.

“Kairo’s right. And you must have been doing something right if Avalon gave you a chance. You just have to show her how serious you are about her,” Karma added.

“Your brother and sister are right, Son,” my father said. “If you know that you have been treating her right, and you are sure about being with her, then you have to show her that. You can’t let someone else’s opinion get into your head. Things will work out for you, but you’re probably going to have to put in some effort.”

“I like her,” my mother added with a giggle. “She seems like she doesn’t play around, and that’s the type of woman you need. Them little hussies let you run all over them, and they don’t care as long as they get some of your time.” She used air quotes when she said time. “I told you it was time for you to settle down, and I’m glad you are finally trying. I’m sure she’ll come around, but don’t rush her. And as your sister and father said, you are going to have to work for it. Be intentional about everything you say and do when it comes to her.”

I took in everything they said. I already had an idea of something I wanted to give her as a thank you for planning the anniversary party, but I felt like I needed to do more. She wasn’t the type of woman who needed gifts or worried about me spending money on her, but I wanted to show her that I paid attention to her. During one of our conversations, she mentioned how gifts were one of her love languages. I just hoped she liked it and would give me the opportunity to have a real conversation with her.

“Thanks, y’all. I really appreciate y’all for listening and not judging me. Also, for having faith in me that I could do this.” I really loved my family and the safe space they provided for us, starting with my parents.

“Of course, Son. We would never judge you, and we will always have faith in the things you want to do. You’ve never been the one that didn’t do what you wanted, and now shouldn’t be any different. Jacoby will find someone at some point that will make him want to settle down,” my father said.

“That’s the same thing I said.”

“And I can’t wait to see the day,” Karma added, causing everyone to laugh.

The rest of the night was spent with us talking and playing games. It was always a good time with my family, and I hoped one day Avalon would be able to join us.

It wasthe day before the anniversary party at the hotel, and I spent half of the morning finalizing the details. All while doing that, I cleaned my house and made sure Chester was fed. My mind was all over the place because I hadn’t talked to Koda since our date ended badly. He tried to call, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him. Anything regarding the event was sent through email, and that was how it needed to be until I could get my mind together.

I felt heavy as I continued doing everything I needed to do, and I hated that for me. I knew I needed to get it together before the event because I didn’t need anyone to see me looking sad. I had half a mind to not go at all, but this was my business, and I knew Koda expected me to be there. Plus, I wanted to makesure everything was the way I envisioned it. There was no team of people that could do what I needed to do. Koda assured me that his staff would help, but ultimately, everything fell on me. I needed this thing to turn out perfectly so I could potentially get more clients. I knew the mayor along with other important people in the town would be there. If I could snag at least one client, I would be grateful for that. I wanted everything to go perfectly for not only me, but for Koda as well. This party was important to him and his family, so all our differences would be put to the side.

I was nervous about seeing Koda, though, but I knew at some point we would have to talk about what happened. Hopefully, we would be able to talk by the end of the night.

After I completed everything that I needed to, I got dressed and headed to the one place that I had been putting off. Since dealing with Koda, I hadn’t been to visit Miles’s gravesite, and I needed to for more than one reason. I let his cousin put some mess into my head, and deep down, I knew she was wrong. If I knew anything about Miles and his love for me, I knew he would want me to be happy. I also didn’t know why I let what that girl said about Koda get to me either. She thought her telling me she fucked him recently would hurt me, but that wasn’t the part that bothered me. It was me thinking that he couldn’t be capable of a relationship.

I wasn’t trying to rush into a relationship, but I also wasn’t dating Koda or anyone just to be dating. I had been nervous about dating again, but I wanted something real, and I felt like I had that with Koda until that bird popped up. I had a conversation with Diamond about it, and she said that the girl was probably just jealous that I got something from Koda that she wasn’t able to get. That was something she would have to deal with on her own, though. Someone should have told her that a man would take a woman seriously when he was readyto, no matter how much pressure someone tried to put on him. Koda was a true testament to that because he had shown me that I was where he wanted to be. I really just needed to get out of my head.

Once I was dressed, I left the house to head to the cemetery. On the twenty-minute drive, I listened to music and sang at the top of my lungs. I tried my best not to let my emotions get to me, because I knew what would happen when I got there. Sometimes Diamond would come with me because I would be too emotional to drive back, but this was something I needed to do on my own. If I had to, I would sit in my car for a little bit until I got my emotions under control. Something told me that this visit wouldn’t be as bad as the others, and I prayed that was the case.

When I arrived at the cemetery, I parked and grabbed the flowers I picked up on the way there. I took a few deep breaths and got out of the car.

As I walked toward the spot where Miles was, my phone chimed. I almost ignored it, but I had to make sure it wasn’t anything regarding the event since there was one more thing I was waiting for. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and couldn’t help the way my heart raced when I saw it was a text message from Koda.

Koda:

I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. Make sure you’re prepared to talk to me tomorrow. I gave you some space, but that shit is over with.

I read the message more than once, but I didn’t respond to it. There really was nothing for me to say because it seemed like he wasn’t giving me a choice. I shook my head and laughed, then stuck my phone back in my pocket.

When I reached Miles’s headstone, I cleaned off any dust and picked up the dead flowers, then put the new ones down. My eyes watered as I stared at his name on the front. Sometimes I couldn’t believe he was gone. He was only thirty-seven years old, which was way too young, especially because it was something that could have been prevented. I never judged him, though, because I never had to go through what he went through. Drug addictions were serious and oftentimes hard to break. No amount of prayer and expressing my love to him was enough to get him to stop. Sometimes I blamed myself and thought maybe I could have done more, but there really wasn’t anything left for me to do. I had to come to terms with that, and it was a struggle.

“Hey, Miles. It’s been a minute, and I apologize for that. If you truly are watching over me, then you know I met someone.” I paused. “I haven’t forgotten about you, and I never will, but I have to be honest and say that I care about him. He’s a nice guy, and I enjoy being around him. I’m not going to lie, though; sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by moving on. I know you aren’t coming back, but still. It didn’t help that your cousin said some bullshit to me. Then to make matters worse, some chick the guy used to mess with said some crap that had me even further into my head. I backed up from the dude, but I’m going to have to see him soon because he hired me for an event. Plus, I miss him.” I shook my head and paused again. “I need some type of sign that it’s okay for me to move on. You will always have a special place in my heart, but I know there is room for at least one more. Trust me, I won’t waste my time on someone who doesn’t deserve it, but I do feel like Koda deserves a real shot.”

Just as I finished my sentence, a beautiful butterfly landed right on the top of the headstone. It flapped its wings a couple of times, then flew away.

“I think that was the sign I was looking for. Thank you. I love you and miss you so much. Just because I’m trying to move on doesn’t mean I won’t be back to visit you sometimes. I’m scared, but I think it will be worth it. I’m supposed to meet with my dad to grab a bite to eat, so I’m going to go now. I’ll carry you in my heart until we meet again.” I kissed the tips of two fingers then pressed them over his name.

It felt like a weight had been lifted as I walked back to my car. I was glad I had that conversation, and I hoped my dad could give me a little more insight into the situation. Plus, I had been spending so much time with Koda that I hadn’t seen my father in a few weeks. We talked, but that wasn’t the same.