Page 11 of Wild Hope

He frowned, and she could practically hear him replaying the words in her head.“Andi,” he started, his voice gentle.

She cut him off, repeating the lines from the song.“My dreams are bigger than this place.Wake up every morning.Don’t recognize my face.I don’t mean to hurt you, but I gotta go.Gotta go.”

She sang the song at the pub a couple times a week, so the repetition had allowed her to distance herself from the emotions they evoked.Tonight, however, the feelings were crashing around her, the pain causing her chest to tighten.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, giving her a comforting kiss on the cheek.

She considered his response, expecting the pity in his tone to bother her.It didn’t.

It comforted her in ways she didn’t expect, encouraging her to share even more.Her dad was one of those topics she avoided like the plague because talking about him, thinking about him hurt, but she didn’t want to do that tonight.“You know, my memories of him prior to his leaving were really good.He was a loving, funny father, always attentive, and unlike some dads, he didn’t mind playing games with me or taking me to the park or teaching me how to play the guitar.”

“He taught you to play?”Joel asked.

She nodded.“The old guitar I use during my performances at the pub was his.It was the only thing he left behind.”

Joel reached out, his finger stroking her cheek, and she was surprised to realize he was wiping away a tear.

She was crying?

She sniffled, determined to swallow the tears down.For one thing, she never cried, and for another, she was on a first date with the hottest, coolest, nicest man she’d met in, well, ever.So crying within ten minutes of sitting down to dinner was definitely a stupid thing to do.

“Don’t do that, Andi.”

She frowned, confused.“Do what?”

“Pretend it doesn’t hurt.Hide your feelings from me.”

Andi shook her head, trying to find the right response to that.“We just met, Joel.We barely know each other.I don’t understand why I feel compelled to tell you all of this.For God’s sake, I’ve never even talked about Dad to Dylan, and he’s my brother.”

“I’m glad you’re comfortable enough with me to share.I want to hear it, want to know everything there is to know about you.”

She blotted her eyes with her napkin.Despite his reassurances, she took several deep breaths, pulling herself together.She was an ugly crier, and she refused to screw up this night any more than she already had.“I’ve sung that song enough that I didn’t think it could get to me like this,” she admitted.

He ran his fingers through her hair.“It’s a powerful song.That’s why it speaks to people, why they want to hear it again.”

“Maybe.”Then, before she could think better of it, words she’d never said aloud slipped out.“I stopped dreaming after he left.You asked me the other night what I wanted.I meant what I said.My dreams are small because I don’t ever want to hurt Dylan the way Dad hurt me.”

Joel frowned.“You don’t really believe that you’d leave your brother behind in pursuit of a dream, do you?”

She wouldn’t, but sometimes fears weren’t logical, didn’t make sense.

“I might not know you well, Andi, but I know you well enough to know you would never walk away from Dylan.Jesus.You work yourself to the point of exhaustion so you can make his dreams come true.Why is it okay for him to dream big, but not you?”

She’d never looked at things from that perspective.“I don’t know.”

Joel rubbed his chin for a moment, his gaze locked with hers.She imagined this man—this veritable stranger—was the only person in the world with the ability to look into her eyes and see straight to her soul.“I asked you last night what your dreams were.I’m asking you again.And this time, I want you to put your fears aside, stop making excuses, and really think about what you would do with your life if you could choose anything.”

Andi knew the answer to that, but years of pushing her dreams down deep was a hard thing to overcome.Her throat grew tight, and she wondered if she’d be able to speak, even if she tried.

“There’s a quote I like,” Joel said, when she didn’t respond.“From Thoreau.He said, Live the life you’ve imagined.I’m asking you to imagine that life, Andi.What’s it look like?”

She licked her lips, then let it all spill out.“I want to sing.Want to get married and have a family.I want financial security.I want to find a way to help my mom overcome her alcoholism, and I want enough money to be able to make my brother’s dream come true too.”

Joel listened as Andi shared things she had never had to courage to say aloud.

“I like that list,” he said.“Mainly because it falls in line with a list of goals I’ve been creating ever since I met you.”

Andi snorted.“You met me less than forty-eight hours ago.You’ve seriously been making a list?”