Page 68 of Own It

“I had a cool lil time too.” He squinted at me skeptically, making me chuckle as I scooted closer to him. “Got you these.” He reached down to pick up three more books as I hung off his shoulder.

It was hard having to remember he wasn’t mine to touch, kiss, or do what I wanted with. Regardless of how I felt about Shaun, he hadn’t been notified that I was done—only that I wanted a break—and was therefore still my man, . . . right?

I could’ve sent a message through my dad, telling him as much, but that was cowardly. Not to mention how it would possibly shame Shaun and elate my father, two things I had no interest in doing at the moment.

“Thank you.” I gripped them, scanning the blurbs to get a sense of what they were about. “Would you ever read these?”

“What are they about?” He frowned, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing the corner of his mouth.

Sitting extra close to him so that our legs were touching, I explained each book to him.

“Mainly romance with little subplots here and there.” I summed them up, resting the mini stack in my lap.

“Romance ain’t really my thing, baby.” He shook his head.

“Could’ve fooled me, Mr. Single Rose with my food.”

Grinning, he said, “I ain’t say as far as my actual life, I meant as far as the entertainment that I consume. I prefer action, thrillers, hood shit.”

“What’s your favorite movie?”

“Dead Presidents,” he answered. “Yours?”

“Hmm, maybe Love Jones or The Inkwell. Have you seen those?”

“I have.” He nodded. “So we’d be a Larenz Tate household, huh?”

I didn’t miss his household statement, but I did my best to keep the blushing and smiling at bay.

“Sounds good to me. He’s fine as hell.” I popped my lips then laughed when I caught the way Rakim was staring me down.

“Just made me not even like my favorite movie no fucking more.” He welcomed me into his lap.

“You still like me, even though I’m a bad person?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I have a boyfriend, and I’m sitting in your lap, kissing you. Shaun is a good guy despite what you think.”

Rakim nodded slowly like he knew something I didn’t.

“I get it.”

“Why did you nod like that? You know something?” My heart began to gallop in my chest at the thought of whatever he’d learned.

Sure, I hadn’t been the best girlfriend while being kidnapped, but finding out Shaun was doing anything would shock me.

“Nah.” Rakim shook his head, and I realized he was a bad liar, letting me know he didn’t lie much if at all. “I don’t know that nigga.” He slipped his big hand under my shirt to massage my back lovingly. “You not a bad person though. I think you a good person, and that’s why you not single when maybe you should’ve been.”

“What does that mean?” I felt my forehead crease.

“Means you not the type of woman to be sitting in another nigga’s lap when you got a man, so if you are, it’s because you feel disconnected from said man. Yet, even though you feel that way, you never broke up with the nigga, and that’s because you a good person.”

I studied Rakim for a moment, and his eye contact with me didn’t waver once. I couldn’t understand how he’d hit the nail on the head and we’d only just met in a sense.

I loved Shaun due to our history, but he never felt like the one. Same time, there wasn’t anything super wrong with him, and I would feel like shit for breaking up with him, especially when he seemed to really love me. Not to mention, breaking up with Shaun would only bring my parents joy, and I didn’t want them thinking they were right or had any say in what I did in my life. Both Cairo Jr.’s and Serene’s spouses were handpicked by our parents, and I refused.

Growing up with parentals who wanted their children to behave like puppets instead of their own people brought out the rebelliousness within me, even when I agreed with them. Same time, they didn’t like Shaun for me, simply because he wasn’t a professional, whereas my issue with Shaun was his lack of maturity that in some cases took away from his masculinity. I couldn’t picture Shaun as a provider and husband. He was good for a boyfriend that could pay a bill or two when needed and fund your dates, but I didn’t see him being anything past that.