Page 35 of Own It

Rakim left after about thirty minutes, and I finished up after working for six fucking hours straight. The only thing a nigga wanted to do was have a drink and smoke a blunt so I could sleep good before having to do deliveries starting at four a.m.

Instead, I had to go see my daughter Divine, because I’d promised my baby girl I would come kick it so she could cook for me. So, despite being tired as fuck, I was gonna honor my fucking word.

Growing up with the type of father I had, I never wanted to be that dad that scared the shit out of my kids, literally, or gave them empty promises. Nate Godfrey used to have me scared shitless just from the sound of his damn voice, and at six feet, eight inches full of muscle, the muthafucka wasn’t small. And instead of empty promises, he made none. We were never promised shit, not even a consistent, active father.

On the way to my baby mama Kasia’s house, my phone rang, and I saw it was Ayan. While I didn’t fuck with what that nigga did to Rakim, he was still my brother, so I wouldn’t completely outcast him. Sadly, though, I couldn’t trust his ass, and that hurt due to how close we were growing up, no matter how warranted my distrust was.

“What’s good?” I picked up.

“Nothing much. Just letting you know I got the tickets for you but only two,” he said.

“That’s all I need. I don’t know who I’m bringing just yet though.” I chuckled, and Ayan followed suit.

That was the upside to Ayan; he encouraged my ways whereas Rakim was always telling a nigga that my actions would have consequences. Most times, I wasn’t trying to hear that shit, so it was nice to have an older brother who was cool with how I lived my life. I needed them both.

Ayan was supportive of whatever, and Rakim would always have my back whether it was getting me paid, telling our father he did something I had actually done so he’d get beat instead of me, or simple shit like showing me the ropes in this street shit.

I hated to admit, though, that it was glaringly obvious even from a young ass age that Ayan envied Rakim. It was one-sided and always had been, with Rakim never paying too much attention to the little shit Ayan did in an attempt to make him jealous. It started when we were kids, all the way up to him snatching LaMia. He always wanted whatever the fuck Rakim had and constantly tried to convince others he was superior—women, our parents, and even us. If Zaire and I asked Rakim for anything coming up, like to walk us to the store or, shit, any-fucking-thing, Ayan would be pissed.

Our mother used to say he would grow out of it, but if she could see shit now, she’d know that wasn’t even close to the fucking truth. I hated to see it, but at this point, we grew to accept Ayan and that green-eyed monster that always seemed to come to the surface when Rakim was around.

“Don’t tie yaself down. I mean, you can still do what you want, but it just makes shit harder,” he explained, only confirming what I already knew about the nigga.

No nigga would go create a whole ass family with his brother’s ex unless that bitch was the love of his life, and hearing Ayan moan and groan about the good old days of being single let me know LaMia was a chess piece in a one-sided dick swinging contest and nothing fucking more.

“Exactly why I’m single, muthafucka,” I responded instead of expressing the shit on my mind.

I chopped it up with Ayan for a few seconds longer, then we disconnected right as I exited the freeway near Kasia’s house. I was there a couple minutes later, blocking Kasia in purposely.

At times when I would come visit my baby, Kasia would leave and go do shit, which I didn’t want. I cherished time alone with my daughter, but half the time, I could barely pay attention wondering if her mama was in the streets or some other nigga’s face.

“Why did you park behind me when there are so many street parks available, Josias?” Kasia opened her front door, looking fine as fuck, per usual.

“My bad. I wasn’t thinking,” I lied, swaggering as I pulled up my sagging jeans. Grabbing the toy for Divine on the way toward the house, I smiled at Kasia’s pretty chocolate ass as I walked up the steps.

“You are such a liar. You blocked me in on purpose.” She rolled her eyes, leaving the door open and switching off.

In a pair of tights and a T-shirt, Kasia looked good as fuck, and her ass was fat in that perfectly round way as if God himself had sculpted it.

I met Kasia while out eating one night with Zaire and did the most to get her phone number. Initially, she turned me down, but I was persistent, even paying for the meal she was eating with her homegirls who, of course, began to back me in my effort to get with Kasia.

From there, shit was cool. We kicked it, went out, traveled, and of course fucked. The pussy was so good I took the condom off one night and never put that bitch back on, resulting in our two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Divine.

I was happy and so was Kasia, until Tarin found out and started causing problems, mainly telling Kasia that I was still fucking her, which a nigga was. After that, Kasia gave me an ultimatum to which I agreed because she was perfect, but I couldn’t stay from between Tarin’s toxic ass legs. And once Tarin showed up on Kasia’s doorstep telling her she was having my daughter, Kasia wrapped our shit up with the quickness.

These days, I still tried with her, and sometimes she would let a nigga stay the night or a little more, but it was nothing like what it used to be. I wanted that shit back, but I knew myself, and right now, I was unable to be a one-woman man and couldn’t truly fucking promise I wouldn’t fuck on Tarin, which was much less than Kasia deserved.

“Damn. I can’t get no fucking hug.” I tugged her wrist and pulled her back toward me.

She scoffed but embraced me.

“Stop!” She shoved me lightly when I took a handful of her ass and kissed her lips.

“Daddy!” Divine rushed in as Kasia elbowed me off her. “You got my stuff?” Her eyes were lit up at the sight of the cooking set I’d brought.

“I did. I knew you said you was gon’ cook for Daddy, so I wanted to be sure you had everything you needed.” I smirked down at Divine who squealed with delight.

“Okay! Open!” She clapped, and I felt like I was being stared at, making me look over to see Kasia simpering.