Page 80 of Come Back to Me

“Of course. We can talk about other stuff. Um…how’s work going?”

“Work is great. We’ve been hosting a ton of author signings, release day parties, and other fun events at Sweet & Salty. I love working there. It’s like my second home.”

“I remember when Laura opened Sweet & Salty. The second you walked inside, you had the biggest smile on your face. Your eyes were sparkling from all the excitement.”

“Yeah.” I smile down at the floor before my eyes bounce back up onto Grayson’s face. “I know we kind of talked about basketball, but I never asked you how the season is going.”

“Coach Taylor says we’re on track to win the national championship as long as we stay on course and don’t let anything distract us. The homecoming game will make or break us. If we win, we advance to the semi-finals. If welose, it’s game over.”

All I know is if I allow all these feelings I had for Grayson to rise to the surface again, it’s game over for me. I can’t let that happen, so I have to keep them buried deep inside. Feelings like that never go away, but they can be hidden from plain sight.

“That sounds stressful. I remember your varsity homecoming game and how stressed out you were. I came into the locker room to check on you, and I thought you were having a heart attack.”

I rewind back in time inside my head to that very moment.

I find Grayson sitting on the floor and run over to him, my heart beating a million miles an hour. “Gray, what’s going on?”

“I-I c-can’t b-breathe.”

“Come sit down.” I guide him over to the bench in front of his locker, rubbing his back in small, circular motions. “Can you tell me what happened?”

He nods, picking his head up. His chest heaves gradually become more sparse, giving himself a few minutes to catch his breath before he answers me. “I-I was about to go out, and the room started spinning. I was l-losing my balance, so I sat down on the f-floor.”

“How’s your breathing now?”

“Better.”

“Good.” I smile at him.

He wraps his arms around me tightly, converting me into a warm blanket.

“I know how much pressure you put on yourself. I also know how much pressure your coach and your team put on you, but you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’re going to go out there and kick their asses tonight. Okay?”

“Okay, Angel.”

“I had quite a few panic attacks back then, but they weren’t as intense as that one was. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to play if you didn’t come and check on me. Honestly, Coach Taylor and the team would’ve sent me to the hospital becausethey probably wouldn’t have known what was going on if this happened now. You knew exactly what was going on. You recognized the signs.” He exhales. “Mental health isn’t something that’s discussed that often in the sports world. There’s this stigma that exists, and I will never understand why it does. I want to normalize it because I know I’m not the only one who has bad days. The problem is I know the athletics department won’t prioritize it.”

When Grayson would let the chaos in his life take full control, his batteries would overheat. Batteries explode if they get too hot, and that’s what would happen to him. It was rare though because he’s the kind of person who likes to bottle things up instead of sharing how he’s feeling.

As someone who also doesn’t love opening up to people about where my head is at, it can be troubling and exhausting. I learned how to peel back layers of myself, even if it took a bit of time because talking to someone about my struggles can be therapeutic. It’s through this that I realized I’m not alone, especially when Dani helped me with my nerves at Tidal Wave and my panic attack last night at the guys’ apartment.

“Like most things, it’ll take time. I know you’ll break the stigma. For now, focus on your wellbeing. Is it okay if I ask you something?”

“Always,” he says.

“Have you had any panic attacks since the varsity homecoming game?”

Grayson hesitates at first before he responds to me. “I almost did.”

“When was this?”

“You know when.” He deadpans.

I narrow my eyes at him. “I don’t think I do.”

Grayson stares at me, burning a hole in my face.

Then, it hits me. “Oh.”