Page 133 of Come Back to Me

“Yeah, Noah told me about that. He asked me if he should’ve told Grayson about it, and I said no. His mom should be the one telling him the news. Anyway, anything else you want to talk about?” She wiggles her shoulders.

“After we visited his mom, we went to Coastal Shores. Valerie was our server.”

“Aw, I miss her. I haven’t seen her in a few months. I know how busy she is with trying to make enough money to be able to quit her job and apply for her dream job.”

“Yeah. Um…something happened.”

“Did you guys kiss?” She pauses for a brief moment. “Sorry, that’s the first thing that popped into my head.”

“No, he had barbecue sauce all over his face, and I wiped it off with my thumb. It was such a simple move, but it was so intimate. I think we both malfunctioned as it happened.”

“Hm, that sounds familiar. Although, Noah is the one who wiped sauce off of my face.”

“Why did it make me want to kiss him until I lost my breath?”

“I don’t know, but that whole thing with Noah led me to kissing him for the first time. What happened next?”

“We talked about it and moved on. We endedup stopping by Sweet & Salty. Laura talked me into coming to her house for Thanksgiving.”

“Yay! I’m so excited.”

“I am, too. So, we drove back home. He walked me to my door, and he boxed me in with his arms. Then, he kissed the top of my hand like a prince and princess type of situation. I can’t keep this going much longer without telling him about that night that still haunts me to this day.”

“Okay, first off, I give you lots of kudos for keeping your shit together because I wouldn’t have been able to. On another note, I get it. You don’t want anything to happen until he knows the truth. You’re nervous about how he’s going to react to all of it, aren’t you?”

“I’m terrified. I have all these questions in my head. What if he hates me? What if never talks to me again? What if we never see each other again? My heart got broken once, I don’t think I’d be able to take it if it shattered into a million pieces.”

“I know. You can think of all these scenarios in your head, but it’s not productive. You’re using up not only your time, but your energy. Conserve your energy for when you truly need it. If you drain it by doing shit like this, it’s going to ruin your life.”

“If only it was that easy.”

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy. You’re going to have to train your brain to think this way. When you create a routine, your brain gets used to it, so it won’t be as difficult to maintain.”

“Okay, I’ll try doing that.”

“If you find yourself having bad days, don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s normal to have them. We’re human. We can’t always be perfect.”

“Thanks for letting me vent.”

“You can vent to me anytime.” She smiles, scrunching her nose.

“I’m going to head to bed. Night.” I wave goodbye to her.

She waves goodbye back to me. “Night.”

Pressing the red button, I turn my phone off and plug it in to charge overnight. I lie down on my bed with my head resting on my pillow.

Train my brain.

I never thought about conserving my mental energy and applying it to the things that truly matter. It’s not that Grayson doesn’t matter to me because he does. I can’t constantly spiral out and think of all these wild scenarios that may not even happen because it wastes my mental energy.

Spending all this time with Grayson today made me remember how much fun we had together.

There’s this saying that you never get over your first love, and I can say with full confidence that I will never get over mine.

now

GRAYSON