Page 10 of Evidence of Us

I won’t lie, not all of our relationship has been bad. If I just did whatever she wanted and she always got her way, things were easy. Show up. Smile. Pretend. I got my anger out at the gym. If she caught me before I went to the gym, I would fuck her into actual tears. She almost always ends up calling a safe word. Sometimes not, but most of the time I just wake up with her sucking my cock and I just let her do whatever. What am I supposed to do, hit her? I have no power, and she knows it.

“Yeah?” I ask. “Admit you are cheating on me then.”

“Zeke…”

“No, if you truly want to make things better, tell me. Are you cheating on me, yes or no?”

“Yes,” she admits.

“Same person or multiple people?” I ask.

“Same…”

“Are you clean?” I question.

“Yes, I’m clean… Have you cheated on me?” she asks.

“No,” I say honestly. “Why keep cheating on me? What does he give you that you don’t find here? Everyone does everything for a reason,” I ask her.

“He… I just want to be fucked hard. I always have to lead with you, and you seem uninterested,” she says with a shrug.

“Do you love him?” I ask.

“I do,” she admits. “But I love you, too.”

“Why stay?” I ask. “You love him. He is who you want in a partner. You’ve been fucking him for how long?”

“Uh…” she says slowly.

“Okay, so the whole time. Why not just divorce, Meghan?” I ask. “Honestly, why are we together? I am telling you that I do not want you; I just don’t feel like fighting. I don’t love you, and I’m not really sure I ever did. That’s not me being mean; that’s thetruth. For years, I have been so goddamn depressed and alone. You filled that space with chaos and stress, and neither of us is happy.”

“I’m just dependent on you, so I don’t know what to do,” she admits.

“Get a job,” I say. “The house and your car are paid for. I will sign it all over, and you can have it. Whatever is in our joint savings and checking, you can have. That will get you by for a few months. I’ll take my car and the rest of my money and go on about my life. Be with the man who makes you happy, because we know it’s not me. Hell, tell everyone you dumped me. I truly don't care, Meghan,” I say, gently holding her shoulders. For the first time, I think she is actually listening to me. “Meghan, you can’t sit here and tell me you are happy with me or us. Any happiness we had was a lie, and only because I destroyed myself so that we didn’t fight. When we do fight, we both get mean, and it’s just not worth it.”

“You’ll just go get with her,” she says, trying to be cold.

“First, I don’t even know where she lives,” I say. “Second, we are partners and maybe friends. We haven’t even talked about any of that. Also, why does it matter? Are you afraid of her mocking you or something?”

“I guess. I kinda took you from her and then rubbed it in her face. She will do the same.”

“She won’t,” I say. “If something develops there, or even if we just stay friends, I will make sure she doesn’t feed into the drama.”

“Can I ask you for a favor?” she asks.

“What?”

“Let’s have dinner together one last time. Just one night where we pretend we are a happy couple. Dinner, cuddle on the couch, and then you rage fuck me like you do when I make you mad,” she asks. “And then I’ll file for divorce in the morning.”

“Alright,” I say. “What’s for dinner?”

“Chicken parmesan," she says with a happy smile.

“Are you trying to poison me?” I ask.

“No, everyone would know it was me,” she laughs. “No tricks. Just one last night.”

“Let’s go eat, and then we can watch a movie,” I say.