Page 41 of Flowers To Give

“Well, there were more details than that. And you know people, it just snowballed and now they’re saying you two were full blown having sex behind the dining hall,” she explains. Her voice is smaller as she asks, “Y’all didn’t actually, you know…?”

“No! Well, not there,” Jeremy clears his throat and watches cars pass on the left. He scrunches his brow and looks back over to her, asking, “Didn’t Barry clear the air? What’s he been sayin’?”

Yana shakes her head, “Barry’s kept tight lipped. Hasn’t denied it though, so people just assumed. You, just now, confirmed it for me.”

Jeremy smacks his face, “Fuck.”

“So,” Yana squirms in her seat before continuing, “What’s the story between you two?”

“Nothing. I mean,” Jeremy sighs, “Look, we’re friends, okay? But sometimes we get more intimate than that.”

“You’re saying it’s casual?”

“Exactly,” Jeremy leans his head against the window, looking off as he explains, “We started maybe half a year ago. We were out on a roundup and it just happened. We agreed to keep it between us and not take it too seriously. Obviously nobody was supposed to find out, especially Laurelai Radison.”

“So she’s not full of shit? She really caught you two?” Yana sounds genuinely surprised.

“Basically, yeah,” Jeremy grumbles, that night feeling like a lifetime ago.

There’s a short silence that falls between them, Jeremy not eager to continue the conversation. Gently, Yana breaks the silence, “You know, Barry’s a really great guy.”

Jeremy wallows in that, realizing now that so much has come to pass since the last time he’s seen Barry. He presses his forehead against the glass, saying, “Yeah, he is.”

“I’ve been spending more time with him, keeping up with him in case he’d heard from you, and he’s been really down lately. I bet he’s ate up about you,” Yana shares.

“What makes you think that?” Jeremy could laugh, not thinking that his and Barry’s relationship warranted such an emotional toll.

There’s another pregnant pause and Jeremy looks over. Yana chewing on her cheek, blinking rapidly as she finally says, “Because I know how he feels. I… I liked you. For a really long time, actually.”

Jeremy raises his brow, “Woah.”

“Yeah,” she sniffs hard and swipes at her eye, clearing her throat, “God, I feel so dumb now.”

“Yana, I am so sorry,” Jeremy sits up, reaching over and patting her on the shoulder, “Our friendship does mean a lot to me, though.”

She tries on a weak smile and nods, “Yeah, me too.”

Jeremy glances out the windshield as Yana flicks on her turn signal to change lanes, getting closer to their exit. Then, she adds, “So don’t go breaking anymore hearts now.”

Chewing on that, Jeremy wonders if that’s possible. He always had the suspicion that Barry liked him in a more intense way than Jeremy felt. Barry was a good pal and even better lover, but sometimes it felt like Barry wanted the boyfriend experience. Not like Jeremy could give that to him anyway; he’d never been in a real relationship with a man, wasn’t planning on starting with a coworker. But he owes it to Barry to tell him about Merle at the very least. Hopefully that won’t make any waves.

He nods and tells his friend, “I’ll do my best.”

Hardly home, Jeremy’s already making promises he’s not sure he can keep.

A week has passed since Jeremy’s return and he hasn’t been able to even get in a hello to Barry. Jose made some kissy faces at him to get Steve to laugh, but besides that the effects of the rumor Laurelai had spread hardly touch Jeremy. What’s eating him is Barry’s obvious efforts to avoid him. He’s not granted a single opportunity to apologize or explain himself since each time he starts to approach Barry, the ranch hand turns tail and runs.

Somehow, the six day work week feels a lighter load than working on set. Perhaps it’s because he’s more used to the tasks, everything a lot more expected. He had missed Asher, the faithful horse giddy to work with him once more, although the distant memory of Kau calls to him somewhere across the sea. The thoroughbred will forever retain a special place in his heart.

Jeremy works through his day off, slowly riding Asher along the perimeter of the fencing to ensure no breaks in the line. As he rides, Jeremy mulls over his fateful day on the shore with Clark and how Jeremy had rejected him. He bites down on the inside of his cheek until it bleeds, smokes every last one of his cigarettes, and considers quitting Willmaker Ranch for the umpteenth time. Maybe Eneki would still take him, Jeremy living it up in Oahu and horse wrangling for the stars. Riding under the Colorado sun, the harsh rays don’t warm him as he can still see his breath in front of his face. Chilled to the bone and grumpy, Jeremy figures he’s squandered every good opportunity he’s ever gotten.

On Monday, Jeremy’s got a roundup in the eastern valley. He enters the stable and is fitting his gloves on his hand as he brushes past Marie, greeting her shortly, “Morning.”

She giggles aggressively.

Jeremy looks up from his gloves and cocks a brow at her. Her eager eyes glance from him to over his shoulder. Looking behind him, Barry is standing in the dun horse’s stall tacking her up. Jeremy clears his throat as Marie giggles again, ducking intoanother stall. Barry glances up and then away, saying shortly, “Sup.”

Refusing to pretend like nothing’s wrong, Jeremy takes this opportunity to approach Barry and ask, “Hey, can we talk?”