Page 64 of The Pakhan's Secret Baby

He's calm finally, but heavier than I remember. His small hand finds my collar and holds on tightly as I lower myself into the rocker and Emory stands over me, arms folded across her chest.

Oleg's confession did more than break Emory's heart. It took a few bricks out of the wall separating us. Something is immediately different now, I just don’t know what. But I like it. And part of me hopes it doesn't vanish.

21

EMORY

Rashid has been holding Lex for almost twenty minutes when the boy dozes off. I sit across the room feeling shocked to my core. I stare blankly at my son in the arms of a perfect stranger who is a dangerous criminal, and wonder how on Earth I've gotten into this situation to begin with.

Batya knew?

Or rather, he strongly suspected, but his suspicions were always true.

But if he knew Aleksander belonged to Rashid this whole time, why not say something? Why wait until this perfect moment in my life to drop a bomb and ruin me? He wanted Rashid to kidnap me. It makes me doubt every safe place I ever thought I had.

"Are you okay?" Anna asks as she shuffles in, though she keeps her words muffled, probably so she doesn't wake Lex.

I look up at her and see her scowling at me, not at all a motherly concern. "You look peaky. Go eat something. You’re no good to a child if you faint when you hold them."

"Mother," Rashid chides, a little less quietly. He scowls at her as he rocks Lex and then flicks a glance at me. I swear I see actual concern in his expression, but I have no fucking clue why. Has he suddenly grown a fucking conscience?

"Well I'm not wrong," Anna grumbles, stealing Lex away from Rashid. My boy is a good sleeper on most days, but this sudden shift of home and environment has done a number on him. He has been sleeping more than normal and he doesn't even stir as he's shifted around so much. "Just look at her. Pathetic. You know when I was a mother I would never have allowed myself to be so run down. Children need constant supervision."

I let my head drop, too defeated to say a word in my own defense. Anna is right, though these circumstances are completely out of my control and out of the ordinary. No one could blame me for appreciating the extra hands to help me with Lex right now even if they are bony and twisted with arthritis.

I stand slowly as Anna sits in the rocker, replacing Rashid. Lex continues sleeping, and she continues scowling until I say, "Thank you, Anna, for caring for him so well. You're right, I just need rest. Tomorrow I'll be better." Then her face shifts, like she's shocked that I could ever thank or compliment her, and believe me, I feel bile on my tongue as I do it. But I'm done fighting.

If my father cares so little about me that he would purposefully set me up to be taken, why fight this?

Rashid gives me a surprised expression, and then sighs as he comes to stand by me. "You should lie down. It's been a long day." His hand rides the small of my back as he guides me to the door and out. I glance over my shoulder at Lex, still sleeping soundly. I'm sure Anna will rock him for a while and then tuck him into bed.

Rashid's hand stays on my back as we walk toward his bedroom. I've resigned myself to the fact that he thinks of me as his possession. He could've just taken my boy and never told me, but he did. I came here because he left me a note of where my son was, but he didn't have to do that.

So as we walk into his bedroom, and he shuts the door behind us, I turn and ask, "Why didn't you just take him and run?" I may never understand this man's motives. I know he didn't do it to protect me from the Gusevs. He never knew they were a threat back then.

His eyes flick to my face then he turns away with a scowl, undoing his tie and tossing it to his dresser. Then he unbuttons his shirt and tugs it off. The firm lines of muscle on his back are attractive, but I'm seeing them differently today. He has scars from wounds, things he's been through that I never cared about. But he's so much like me. Except my scars aren't visible.

"I wanted my boy with me, not a new life."

"That's a lame answer, Rashid. You could've never told me where you were taking him. I'd never have seen him again. You don't need me here. Why did you want me to come?"

He turns slowly as he undoes his belt buckle and zipper. Then stands there with his fly open as he licks his lip and scowls at me. "What do you want?"

"I want the truth," I snip, ready to snap again. The men around me are all so fucking toxic. My father can't just tell me the truth and really protect me. This man in front of me can't just say what he feels and wants, and he controls me. All I want is to know what the fuck is going on.

"My boy needs his mother," Rashid growls, shoving his pants down. He steps out of his shoes and then his slacks, walking over to the nightstand where he picks up the bottle of Jameson to take a swig in his socks and boxers.

"That's all?" I say, starting to realize maybe that is the truth. Maybe that's the only reason I'm here, to be his baby momma. And when Lex is grown and I'm no longer needed, I'll be discarded like old furniture.

"Do I need another reason?" he grumbles, plopping on the side of the bed.

I stare at him for a few seconds as he takes another swig, and my heart sinks. There's no redemption for this moment or this circumstance. I am an object to be used and abused, and then eventually thrown away, nothing more.

When he turns off the light, I get the point. I shed my clothing and grab one of his t-shirts to wear over my panties. Then I crawl obediently into bed the way I have the past few nights. There's no point in fighting this. This is my lot in life now. Rashid is too powerful and knows too much to let me escape. I don't think even Gusev himself could save me.

I let my eyes shut, but just as I'm on the edge of dozing, I hear Rashid's voice calling me back.

"You were different. So young, Emory. I knew you had a life ahead of you and I knew how fucked up my world was. I wantedyou so bad, and every night I did think about you. It's why I looked you up. But I'm at constant war with my enemies. And you were just starting out in life."