Page 93 of The Fighter

“No,” Tav’s face immediately crumpled, and he shifted closer to me so I could see his face better. “No, Con.”

“What do you think I was going to say?”

“You were going to ask if I thought you should have killed him.”

I tried to squint, but I didn’t think I achieved any level of glare. “It’s getting irritating how well you can read me.”

A massive grin split his face and made his dimples pop. “Good.” Then his smile faded as his fingers played with my hair. “I thought for a long time that I wanted him dead. But in that basement, watching you stand over him… I didn’t want you to kill him. Was this always your plan?”

“I thought I’d kill him. That had been my plan. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t. I just didn’t think it was the right thing to do. Devlin… he will suffer.”

“How so?”

My throat hurt, but I gave Tav a summary of the conversations I had with Devlin, how his seduction turned quickly to anger, and how he made me pay for the rejection, for not being who he wanted. “You were right,” I said at last. “He wanted a version of me that didn’t exist.” I eyed him. “Are you going to sayI told you so?”

He shook his head. “No. I understand why you needed to hear the truth from Devlin.”

I swallowed. “He wanted more from me than I could give him. Total domination. He wanted me to hurt him.”

Tav’s eyes went misty. “That’s not you, Con. That could never be you.”

“Maybe he’ll find that, someone who can be what he wanted.”

“Maybe,” Tav whispered.

He touched our foreheads together, and his lips brushed mine. “You finally let go of all the guilt?”

I was in too much pain to reach inside myself and feel around. “I don’t know. Most of it, I think.”

“Ninety percent?”

“Maybe seventy-five.”

Tav pulled back with a scoff and a smirk. “We’ll get you there.”

We fell into silence. My head pounded, and my eyelid began to droop. I didn’t want to sleep anymore though. I wanted to staywith Tav, safe and warm in my bed. “I’m sorry you had to go back there.”

Tav’s shoulders heaved as his gaze traveled to the window at the far wall. “I remembered it, but I didn’t really feel it. Who I was five years ago… I barely recognize him. When I went down those stairs and saw you, that was my only focus.” His jaw shifted, and his eyes returned to mine. “In that moment, I thought it was harder seeing you like that than having it done to me.”

“That can’t be true.”

He shrugged. “Did you like watching me get pummeled in the face?”

Even now, I could hear the echoes of his screams. A shudder left me trembling. “I don’t want to think about that.”

He smiled sadly. “See?”

“He told me he broke you.” Tav’s fingers tightened in mine. “And all I could think about was how sad Devlin was. He had no idea you weren’t broken, not at all. That you were stronger than ever. I think that was what got me through.”

Tav’s lips parted, and then he slid down to his side next to me, knees touching the outside of my thigh as he gripped my hand in both of his big mitts. It was the only part of my body that didn’t hurt.

I rolled my head to face him. “He told me he’d break me too. And I think he could have, maybe, but I also knew you’d put me back together, right?”

Tav smiled, his lips fluttering over my knuckles. “Just like you fixed me. I’d do the same to you.” He tugged up the blankets around me and tucked me in. “Now rest. I can tell you’re fading, and you need to heal.”

I couldn’t smile, not really, but I felt the smile inside. “Then put on another movie. And don’t bother folding the towels.I think they’ll be less wrinkled if you just leave them in the basket.”

He looked at me for a minute before his nose wrinkled. “Fuck off, Con.”