Page 3 of My Girl to Use

“It’s okay,” I murmur. “I’ve got you.”

Jess scoffs. I ignore her and walk quickly to my room, nudging the door shut with my foot. The second it clicks, the noise from the living room fades, leaving just me and the soft, uneven breaths of the baby in my arms.

Levi. My brother. The word feels strange. Heavy. I sit on the edge of my bed and grab my phone, pulling up my mom’s contact. My thumb hovers for a second before I press call.

The number you have dialed is no longer in service.

I freeze.

“No…no, no, no,” I whisper, pulling the phone away and staring at the screen like it might change. I hit call again. Same message. Same pleasant voice, like it’s telling me an office is closed for the holiday.

A hollow laugh slips out of me. “Of course. Of course, you did.”

Levi stirs at the sound, his face scrunching before a thin cry breaks free. Panic spikes through me, sharp and immediate.

“Hey…hey, it’s okay,” I murmur quickly, adjusting him in my arms. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

I stand and start pacing, bouncing him gently the way I’ve done a hundred times at the daycare. It takes a few seconds, but his cries soften into quiet whimpers, then fade completely. I exhale shakily. I know I need to figure something out. My roommates were right. If the landlord finds out, he might just evict us all. He didn’t want us three living in the apartment in the first place.

“Guess it’s just us,” I murmur, looking down at him.

Levi shifts again, his tiny hand brushing against my shirt like he’s searching for something. My chest tightens painfully.

“Yeah…I know,” I whisper. “You’re hungry.”

I move to my bag and dig through it quickly, pulling out the small emergency kit I keep from work. Formula packets. A bottle. Thank God.

“You got lucky,” I say softly. “I’m prepared.”

My hands move automatically—pouring, mixing, shaking. It’s muscle memory at this point. Something familiar in the middle of all this chaos. I sit back down and guide the bottle gently to his lips. For a second, nothing happens.

Then he latches. “Oh,” I breathe, watching him drink. “Okay…okay, you were really hungry.”

I run my eyes over Levi’s tiny form. Six weeks, maybe seven. Old enough that the cord’s healed over, young enough that he still curls like he’s waiting to be put back. She kept him long enough to name him, and then she was done.

A tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it. I swipe it away quickly, shaking my head. It doesn’t stop, so I let it flow. She didn’t even try to call. Didn’t warn me. Didn’t ask. She just dropped him here like he was nothing. My jaw sets hard enough to ache.

“You don’t deserve that,” I whisper to him. “You don’t deserve her. Just like I didn’t.”

Even now, thinking back to how I grew up with her, I’m glad she gave him up. Levi makes a small sound, still drinking. His fingers curl weakly around one of mine when I offer it. He finishes the formula, and I slip the bottle out of his mouth.

I glance toward the door, thinking about Amelia and Jess. About the lease and everything that’s about to fall apart because of this. Because of her. A bitter taste fills my mouth.

“She always does this,” I whisper. “Leaves messes for other people to clean up.”

Levi stirs slightly, and I soften instantly, my voice dropping again. “Not you, though. You’re not a mess.”

He makes a small sound, almost like a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit quietly, my voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m not leaving you. Not like that. Not ever.”

The words come out steady, even though everything inside me feels like it’s shifting too fast to keep up. I adjust him again, letting him rest more comfortably against my chest, feeling the slow, steady rhythm of his breathing.

“You’re mine now,” I say quietly. “And I’m not letting anyone take you. Not her. Not anyone.”

The promise settles into me, heavy and unshakable. I don’t know where we’re going to go or how I’m going to afford anything or how I’m going to explain this to anyone. But I know one thing.

“I’ll protect you,” I whisper, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “From the world if I have to.”

Levi makes a soft, sleepy sound. And just like that, there’s no going back.