Page 22 of A Major Love

I moved to the other end of the couch, and she got comfortable in the corner, turning her body toward mine and tucking her feet underneath her.

“Let me start by saying I take the blame for everything that happened. I’m?—”

“As you should.”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Lovie. I’m sorry for the choices I made and the way I handled the outcome of those choices. I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to apologize until now. When you left for school, the plan was for you to be gone for two years. We agreed?—”

“I didn’t really agree but followed your lead anyway.”

“It’s been a long time since we’ve talked about this?—”

“Or anything else, considering we haven’t talked in six years.”

I let my head fall forward and took a deep breath. Her attitude was full throttle now, but I deserved it.

“Lovie, I know you got a lot of shit to say, but please stop interrupting me.”

“Fine. I’ll keep my comments to myself.”

“I know that’s a lie, so let me get right to it. You were only supposed to be gone for two years, but every time I thought you were coming home, you had another reason to stay away. I was proud of you, and I wanted you to reach your goals, but at the same time, I wanted you by my side. Baby, Ineededyou with me.”

“Major, I?—”

“No, Lovie. Let me finish. We agreed not to let anything get in the way of us pursuing our dreams, and that included each other. I set my needs and wants aside and supported you the same way you supported me. I mentally readjusted and prepared for another two years without touching you and seeing you in the flesh every day. It was hard, but we made it through.”

“Then I got the internship,” she said.

I nodded as I realized things were beginning to click for her.

“Right. It was an opportunity you couldn’t pass up, and I didn’t want you to, but it was yet another reason you couldn’t come back to me.”

“By then, our schedules were more demanding, and we talked and saw each other less and less.”

“I hated the distance between us, but I kept telling myself it wouldn’t be like that forever. You were the only one I wanted, and us not having a title was never about either of us having the freedom to be with other people.”

“I didn’t believe you or understand why you thought no title was a good thing, but over time, it made sense. What we had worked for us, and I thought it always would.”

“You left, and before I knew it, five years had passed, and I was only mentally prepared for you to be gone for two. I knew the magazine would offer you a permanent job once they saw how talented you were. I’d never stop encouraging you to pursue your dreams, but I wanted you here, and your time away no longer had an expiration date.”

“We promised each other that if the distance became too much, we would say something. If you wanted to start dating, all you had to do was tell me,” she said, as if it were that simple.

“How do you tell the woman you love, who you still plan to build a life with, that you’re about to fuck somebody else becauseshe’s too busy pursuing the dreams you encouraged her to go after?”

Her response wasn’t immediate, and I was glad because I wanted her to sit with my question for a minute.

“I don’t know, because it would’ve hurt me just the same, but I’m sure there was a better way to handle it than ghosting me.”

“I thought I knew what I was doing and handling everything right, but I was clueless. I fucked up, baby, and once the deed was done, the guilt ate me up.”

I didn’t knowwhat to expect when Major and I finally saw each other again. Ever since I’d decided to co-write his memoir, I’d created several scenarios about our reunion.

In one of them, within seconds of me entering his home, he had me pinned to the front door with my legs tightly wrapped around his waist as he fucked me senseless. In another, I smacked the shit out of him as soon as he opened the door, then jumped into his arms and let him fuck me against the front of the house.

There were a few more, but all of them ended the same way . . . us fucking.

I’d waited a long time to find out why our relationship ended the way it did, and now that he’d finally told me, I didn’t knowhow to feel. Although I believed his apology was genuine, I wasn’t sure if it was enough to fix what was broken.

“Why did you feel guilty? Technically?—”