“No, Gran, no. Mom, we cannot invite all of Graham’s siblings.”
“You can’t start off a marriage excluding people. That leads to divorce, and I just can’t have a daughter who gets divorced.” My mom is horrified. “Think of my grandchildren.”
“You’re pregnant, Dani?” Piper gasps.
“What? No! I just think it’s weird to invite all of Graham’s family to a couples shower.”
“I raised you to be a good hostess.”
“It’s just a lot of mixing.” I awkwardly tap my fingers together. “His mom was, you know, trapped in a cellar in a really uncomfortable situation, and I need this meet and greet to be normal, which means that we need to uninvite his half brothers. On his dad’s side. And also his stepbrother.” I think about how possessive Graham was about Kraig having my panties.
And that makes me think about getting fucked by Graham.
“Nonsense, Dani, they’ve already RSVPed.” Mom pulls out her phone. “I’m signing you up for another etiquette class. This is absurd. Piper, are you bringing anyone?”
“Yeah, I was thinking of asking that homeless guy at the subway stop, you know, the one that talks to himself and barbecued that pigeon that one time?”
“Piper, please be serious.” Mom shakes her head. “This is already going to be a stressful dinner. Vivienne looked over the menu, and she thinks we need to completely scrap it.”
“What does Vivienne know? She eats bee pollen and microgreens and says she’s full.” Dad snorts. “Now how about this for the charcuterie board, Beans?”
“I thought the caterers were doing a grazing table, Uncle Hank.”
“No grazing tables! Vivienne says they’re gauche.” Mom starts arguing with Dad.
Piper uses the cover to drag me into the pantry.
“You did it, right?” Piper hisses.
“Did what?”
“Youknow.”
I gulp, thinking about all the ways I am definitely not a virgin.
“I mean, I guess.”
“Dani, you are literally going to kill me! I had to make an AI dick to show Colette’s cousin so I could tell her that it was Graham’s, and for some reason, the hand on the dick had an extra half a finger, but now she’s trying to get me to send her the photo.”
“Oh gosh, well, I definitely saw the dick. And felt it.”
“Whoo! V-card busted! High five. Next time you need to get a photo of it.” Piper holds up a hand.
“I can’t get a photo of it!” I hiss.
“Well, your mom has some sort of parental controls set up on the Wi-Fi, and it notified her that I was looking at porn, and so now I can’t make any more images. So you need to get a photo. I’m going to be in the hot seat at that couples shower.”
“Don’t you have Photoshop?” I remind her. “You do some work for the marketing department, right? You could get rid of the finger?”
“Yes, on theworkcomputer. What part of ‘I don’t have a billionaire boyfriend’ do you not understand? I cannot get fired. But if you get married, I can be the live-in best friend. That is also acceptable.”
“I thought you’d be more excited for me,” I grumble.
“Yay! You popped your cherry! Now I’m in crisis. Just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean you can just be the main character. Other people have problems too.”
My phone pings. It’s Colette with a list of demands.
“I don’t think I can ask him for a dick pic.”
