"That was..."
"Different?"
"Yeah." I laugh, a little shaky. "Really different."
"Good different?"
"The best different."
He kisses me again, softer this time. And when he pulls back, I realize something. I feel safe. Not just physically safe, though I do. But emotionally safe. Like I can be myself—messy, broken, scared—and he's not going anywhere.
CHAPTER
FIFTY-FIVE
JULIE
"So tellme about Ryan and how things are going," Dr. Blanche prods.
I lean back against the couch cushions. "I didn't think I'd ever feel safe with anyone again. I thought Asher had broken something in me permanently."
"And now?"
"Now I know that wasn't true. Ryan has shown me what real partnership looks like. What it feels like when someone actually sees you and loves you for who you are, not who they want you to be. And in the moments where I'm still scared, I try to hold onto that."
Dr. Blanche nods slowly. "That's significant growth, Julie. But I want to pause here. You said you still have moments where you're scared. Expand on that."
My chest tightens. "I do. I worry I'm looking for red flags that aren't there. That I'm obsessively checking for signs of betrayal. And it makes me feel crazy because Ryan has never done anything to warrant that."
"Actually," Dr. Blanche says gently, "I'd be concerned if youweren'thaving those doubts."
“Really?”
"After what you've been through, if you were just acting like everything was fine, that would be a sign you're not processing what happened. Doubt isn't a character flaw, Julie. It's your nervous system protecting you. Your brain learned that people can lie, that love isn't always what it appears to be. Those moments of fear? They're not a sign you're broken. They're a sign you're healing."
Tears prick at my eyes. "I didn't think about it that way."
"Healing isn't a straight line. You're going to have moments that hit harder than others, and that's okay. The difference now is that you have someone who makes space for those moments instead of punishing you for them."
I nod, wiping at my eyes. "Ryan never makes me feel crazy for needing reassurance. The other day, he set his phone face down on the coffee table after answering a text, and I started spiraling. He noticed right away. When he asked what was wrong, I admitted that the face-down phone triggered me. He picked it up, unlocked it, and handed it to me without a word. He didn’t even watch me go through it. He just let it happen.”
"That's healthy. And the fact that he understands that tells me he's emotionally mature enough to be a good partner."
"He is." I take a breath. "His family is different too. His parents are warm, genuine. They welcomed my mom like she'd always been part of the family. Dean never did that. He saw my mother's anxiety around crowds as a weakness. The Callahans accept people."
"How did that feel for you?"
"Like I finally have what I always wanted. A real family. A network of people who genuinely care about each other."
Dr. Blanche glances at the clock. "We're almost out of time, but I want to ask you something. How do you feel about physical intimacy? Have you and Ryan talked about that?"
My cheeks flush. "We have. He's been incredibly patient. We've been taking things slow—kissing, holding each other, but nothing more. He's letting me set the pace."
"And how does that feel?"
"Safe. Respected. But also..." I pause, trying to find the words. "I think I'm ready. I think I've been ready for a while now. I'm just scared."
"Scared of what?"
