Page 70 of Until Death or Defeat

“This wasn’t my secret to tell in the first place, Gigi. Dad made me swear not to tell you. He told me you didn’t need to know how it happened.”

“And you agree?”

His silence is her answer, and she dramatically swings her arm down.

“Why? How can you agree? Since when have you ever considered me incapable of handling difficult fucking information?”

“You’re my little sister. All I wanted to do was protect you from it. Telling you would have changed nothing, Mom is still dead— it just would’ve been harder for you.”

“How wouldyouknow what’s harder for me? Do you want to know what wasactuallyharder for me? Thinking all these last twelve years that this was all my fault. That if I had just not been a fucking brat, I would’ve went with her, and the timing would be different or—whatever stupid fucking butterfly effect caused the accident wouldn’t have happened.”

Caesar’s face contorts to guilt. He goes to reach for her, but his eyes find mine and his arm goes back down.

“I didn’t know you felt that way, Gigi. You never told me you were holding onto that.”

“Well, you didn’t ask. No one did, actually. No one ever asked me ifIwas okay with how my mom died, no one considered how fucked up it would have made me. You think it was easier to think she died in a car crash, wondering why? How? Was she crying and distracted because I changed my mindwhen she was so excited for me to go for weeks that she didn’t see the man barreling down the road at her?”

“You arenotfucked up, Gigi. We all have problems. No one blamed themselves more than Dad did.”

“Good. He should fucking blame himself! How could he let that happen to her? Don’t tell me Uncle Robert just randomly decided to kill her on an impulse?”

“No...” Caesar says trailing off, like he isn’t willing to say it.

“I haven’t heard a single explanation or answer,” I remind him ominously as I look at him, my patience wearing thin.

No wonder Giselle is so reactive. How can you be around people who treat you like a bomb they’re trying to keep inactive? Who treat you like you don’t deserve to know things because it’s easier forthem?

“Fine. You want the truth? Mom and Uncle Robert were having an affair for years and Dad knew but he tried to ignore it to keep us united. Uncle Robert couldn’t handle sharing her with Dad anymore and...he lost it. He went with her to the show and killed her when she refused to get a divorce.”

I can see her gears turning. And they’re turning the same direction mine are.

“Why, Caesar? Why was he so adamant about the divorce that he’d kill her? Why not end it?”

Caesar shakes his head at her question, his head down like he can’t look her in the eye.

I see her eyes welling up. “You’re not saying it all,” she pleads softly.

His eyes flick to mine, and I already know what he isn’t saying. I put my hand on her shoulder, which only makes her lose her composure, throwing herself into me as she cries into my chest, realizing the same.

“Is it both of you then? Or only her?” I ask, as I hold her against me.

“No, it’s both of us. And he knows.”

I shake my head, sighing as I look down at her.

“He can’t have children of his own. That was why he didn’t argue when it started. For him, it was harmless, even though it bothered him, he needed to pass down his title as the oldest brother or lose it. He wanted no one else to know we were illegitimate.”

She’s let most of it out, slightly separating from my chest as she wipes her cheek with her forearm. I take the handkerchief from my pocket and wipe her eye down to her mouth, trying to help because I know she hates crying in front of people.

Caesar continues, “at some point, dad realized that they were in love. They had been secretly in love since before the wedding, and it was already too late. He let it go on because by then Gigi and I were young, and he loved us so much, he didn’t want our lives to blow up in a scandal.”

“That, and the legitimacy of him as the Head. If they knew then, your uncle would have been given his rightful place. Men who can’t pass down the title don’t get to keep it,” I point out.

I know all too well the standards of our world. It can be archaic, but it’s order. Without order, all these dangerous chess pieces would be impossible to compel. Though, the game is always at the highest tension.

Caesar shakes his head. “My father isn’t evil. He might be good at lying, but he does love us. He loves you a lot, Gigi.”

“I’m . . . not sure what to say. Are you saying Leo is . . . ”