She knew how she could do it, how to take the Gulati case legally. But she needed to get up early, and in order to swing it she needed to be in top form.
“Maybe it’s not a good idea, Maddocks. I ... it is late. And—”
“And I’m on a plane tomorrow morning.”
“I know. I—” She dragged her hand over her hair, conflict ratcheting tighter inside her chest. “I’ll see you when you get back.” By then she might have her plan in action. She’d be on a really solid footing. She’d be able to think forward, think about planning her life with him.
A beat of silence. Rain ticked against the windows.
“What are you thinking about that close-protection job?”
“I ... I’m just considering options right now.”
“Fuck it, Angie,” he whispered. Another soft curse. “Is this what you want? D’you want to take a break? From us, from our relationship? Because it sure as hell sounds like it.”
“No, of course not. It’s—”
“I think it is. I think you were getting cold feet before we even went on the Nahamish trip. Or claustrophobia or commitment phobia or whatever it was that you were getting, and then I went and mentioned kids, and on top of that I gave you the ring and pressured you for a wedding date and spoke about moving in together ... It spooked you, didn’t it? It scared the stuffing right out you, and now you need to think about it all because you don’t know if you can spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Maddocks—”
“Christ, Angie, I’m not a fool. Give me some respect, here. This is not about your employment opportunities; this is about us.”
“Listen, come on up. We’ll talk. I’ll buzz the parking gate open—”
“No. Forget it. Have your break.”
“Wait, Maddocks, I—”
“Maybe I really need one, too. I don’t want a one-sided relationship. I don’t want to be the one doing all the pushing.” His voice grew husky, then hitched. The sound of his emotion gutted her. She began to shake.
“Please, Maddocks, don’t do this now.”
“Now? Angie, I’ve been trying to talk to you for the last four weeks, ever since the fishing trip.”
“It’s the job hunt. It’s—”
“It’s that you need time. I know, you’ve been telling me for weeks. You need time to think it all through. Well, take your time, Ange. Get your space, whatever in the hell you want. Take the bodyguard job. Fill your boots. Sow your oats. I’m done trying to prop you up and support you and tiptoe around your emotions without getting anything back. I know you’ve had a ton to deal with, and PTSD doesn’t just go away, but I want yourlove. I want it honest and full, and I want acknowledgment that you know I’m there for you, that youtrustme. Maybe I just have to face the fact you don’t love me back. Maybe I just need to face the fact you’re not into the same dreams as I am. Maybe you don’t need what I need.”
“Maddocks, please—”
“No, don’t talk. I’m done talking. You figure it out. Just know one thing, Angie—I love you. If you want to stay engaged, if you want what I want, to get married—I’m here. I’m yours. But it’s your call. You pick up that phone only if and when you’re good and ready. Until you make that call, we’re over.” Her phone went dead.
Angie stared at her phone and realized her hands were trembling.
She’d done it. She’d pushed the man she loved too far. Deep down she knew she’d been doing it. She’d seen this coming, and she’d not been able to stop herself from sliding. Perhaps she’d even wanted it.
But now he’d drawn the line.
He’d lobbed the ball squarely into her court. If they were going to get married, she had to be fully on board.Shehad to make that move. Angie had to respect him for that. Maddocks was not some mat to be walked over. Right at this moment, she hated herself for even having tried to take for granted that he’d always be there for her.
He knew her well. Too well. Well enough to know this was what she needed if they were ever going to make a relationship work.
CHAPTER 13
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER18
“Who thefucklet you in here?” Jock Brixton’s face turned florid as he stood rooted to the spot in his doorway at the sight of Angie awaiting him in his office.
