Things with Daniel would never work. If they tried, their relationship would be relegated to phone calls and text messages and stolen weekends where they could get away. Were they even together if they weren’ttogether?
Then there was the more obvious and glaring issue that no matter how close they got, Daniel would be intimate with other people multiple times a week. Jensen had never been a jealous person, but he’d never had a reason to be jealous before. His past boyfriends had lasted only a few months, and he wasn’t ever that attached to any of them. He could see himself getting very attached to Daniel. If he was honest, Jensen was alreadypossessive of the man and craved him more than he had anyone else. He knew that would only get worse if they continued to talk.
When he didn’t answer, his mother took his face in her hands and forced him to make eye contact. “Oh, baby. Put away that frown, we’ll figure this out. You’ll get your man.”
He resolutely ignored how she kept including herself in this scheme to get him a boyfriend. “I don’t think so. Not this time.”
His father cleared his throat. “Where’s the boy that had dreams? My son used to fight for things he wanted, even if everyone told him he couldn’t succeed. The boy I raised looked at challenges as puzzles to be solved. He never gave up when he started something. Where did that boy go?”
“He grew up, Dad.”
“It sounds like he gave up,” his father said, giving Jensen a meaningful look that had him shrinking in his seat.
“Graham!”
“No, Angie. He’s been working at that dismal excuse for a company for years now while we can all see it’s sucking out his soul. He’s stopped working on his house and has given up on his second book. And now he’s running away from love before giving it a real chance. What is going on with you?”
“I never said I was going to write a second book,” Jensen muttered under his breath. One was definitely enough to satiate his desire to spread his knowledge of art nouveau. When his dad kept staring at him, Jensen threw his hands up in the air. “What do you want me to do?”
“Live, Jensen. I want you to live. I want you to make mistakes and let your heart get broken, if that’s what it comes to. I want you to have a full life and not put yourself in a box where nothing can hurt you or make you happy.”
Staring down at his jeans, Jensen chewed on the inside of his cheek. He was living. Sort of. Maybe his father wasn’t completely off base. Somewhere in the past few years, he’d lost his passions.Things that used to bring him joy had started to seem dull. It wasn’t until this moment that he realized how empty he had become. Nothing held his attention for long anymore. Hobbies didn’t seem worth it. His days consisted of work and wasting away the hours until he could sleep. He wasn’t working toward anything except ambiguous projects that always got pushed down the pipeline. Jensen hadn’t been truly excited about anything until Daniel sat down next to him. Now Jensen’s heart sped up at the mere thought of Daniel’s golden-blond hair and white smile.
“But what if I can’t live without him?” Jensen asked, eyes still downcast.
“Then you’d be one of the lucky few that get to experience true love and all the ups and downs that come with it.”
“Excuse me,” Jensen said, a lump forming in his throat, “I need a moment.”
With a nod from his dad and an understanding look from his mom, Jensen stood from the table and rushed into his old bedroom. Sitting on the full-size bed, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at the dark screen.
He wasn’t sure where he stood with Daniel. Dark assumptions had swirled around in his head, just as readily as the hope that pushed at his heart. He wanted what his parents had. He wanted a great and all-encompassing love that made his heart ache when he was away from his partner. He yearned to have someone that knew him better than he knew himself. Someone that could be his safe place and stable rock and push him to do all the things he was too scared to try on his own.
The incorporeal fantasy partner that tugged at his soul might not be Daniel. They might be too different to make things work. Hell, Jensen had only known him for a few very short days. But what if it was Daniel? What if they did make things workand spent the next few decades so in love that it was illegal in multiple countries?
With shaking hands, Jensen pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed his newest contact.
“Hello?”
“Daniel?” Jensen asked, cringing at how his voice squeaked.
“Hi, Jensen.” Even through the phone and the several thousand miles, Jensen could hear the smile in Daniel’s voice, and everything started to feel right again.
“Umm, yes. Hi.” He cleared his throat. “Hello, this is Jensen. Which you knew, or at least expected. I was just wondering if, you know, well maybe you don’t …” Oh God, he was sweating again. This was going worse than the time his boss had him cold-calling business owners.
“I’m glad you called.”
Jensen put a hand on his stomach and took a deep breath. “You are?”
Daniel hummed in affirmation. “I should have gotten your number last night, but I was a bit preoccupied.”
Heat licked up Jensen’s neck, and he didn’t need the mirror fastened above his old six-drawer dresser to know his cheeks were red. “Oh. I didn’t know. I should have thought of that though. Was I supposed to ask you for your number? I’m not certain of the protocol in this situation.”
A soft chuckle filtered through the phone. “Why don’t you tell me about your day so far, handsome? Then I’ll talk about my sad excuse for a breakfast and the parking ticket I got, then, if you’re interested, you can listen to me jack off while thinking about last night.”
Jensen coughed, and his entire body heated up. When he got himself under control, he pulled a hand through his hair. “I could be amenable to that.”
All his insecurities fled out from under the closed door as he relived his morning, leaving out his desperate yearning for Daniel’s company. The dark thoughts and uncertainties had no room in his body anymore, not with the hope expanding in his chest.
