“We can figure out the logistics of getting you back to New Athens later. If that’s what you still want.”
“Of course.” She avoids my gaze, eyes on her feet.
“Let me know if you need anything.” I duck out of the tent without waiting for a reply, afraid that I’ll do something stupid if we stay in the same space any longer. Getting mixed up with Delilah—with Gabriel’swife—is the last thingeither of us need.
Regardless of the feelings that are undoubtedly developing for this woman, getting closer to her is a terrible idea on so many levels. She’s married for one; not that it was her choice, but still. She’s clearly in the beginning stages of processing all that’s happened to her, and she doesn’t need anyone—including me—clouding her mind as she deals with—and hopefully heals from—her trauma.
And lastly—and perhaps most importantly—she’s leaving.
Unless I can convince her otherwise.
Delilah
Present Day
“Failure to become pregnant after one year of marriage or attempted conception shall result in fertility testing. If she is found to be infertile, she may be transferred to another line of service.”—TREATMENT OF FEMALES, N. A.L. 3 § 13
My mind is a mess. I snuggle into the bed and let out an unintentional sigh as Maverick’s smell envelops me.
Today was insane, but not all bad. My mother and brother are alive. I found a new friend in Bec. I’mclean. But to say I feel conflicted about returning to New Athens is a massive understatement.
The things Maverick told me… what Gabriel did as a young man, along with the videos he made of our intimate encounters, it’s so much to process. A few days ago if someone would’ve told me those things, I would’ve immediately written them off. Explained them away.Justifiedthem.
Now, after spending time with these people, I’m more confused than ever. I don’t believe anyone is lying about their experiences with the Brotherhood; why else would they be out here hiding if they hadn’t been through those truly horrific things?
But the thing that scares me the most is the possibility that I’ve been lyingto myself.
Everything I was taught—everything I believed wholeheartedly—is unraveling before my very eyes. Being forced to reconcile what I thought I knew with everything I’ve learned and seen here is a difficult process. And at the center of it all is Maverick—a man who is the complete opposite of everything I was raised to believe a man should be.
Gabriel is harsh. Maverick is gentle.
Gabriel is callous. Maverick is compassionate.
Gabriel is proud. Maverick is humble.
Gabriel scares me. Maverick makes me feel safe.
The last realization has tears flooding my eyes. I’m afraid of my own husband, while this man I barely know instills a sense of peace in me that I haven’t felt in god knows how long. How can that be possible? What am I supposed to do with that?
He asked permission to touch me. He held me as I cried. He looks at me like I’m someone to be cherished. Like I’m beautiful. Gabriel really only looks at me like I’m an object. A prize. Athing.
My thoughts wander back to my conversation with Bec about my sexual experiences. She said I deserve to find pleasure too. Maybe she’s right.
The idea of Gabriel touching me makes me tense up, so I force him out of my mind. I let my hands wander under the blanket as another face, a face with light brown stubble and hazel eyes, pops intomy head. I blush, even with no one here to witness my shame. I shouldnotbe picturing Maverick’s face as my hands gently cup my breasts. My fingers tweak my nipples, and my back arches off the bed as I imagine his hands on my body instead of my own.
One hand stays on my breast while the other trails down the soft curve of my abdomen. I spread my legs and push my hand into my pants, feeling myself through my underwear. It feels insanely good, even with the thin layer of cotton between my fingers and my throbbing center. My breath catches as I move my underwear to the side, shocked to find a warm, slick wetness coming from my core. I run my finger through it and then circle my clit, feeling bubbly. I had no idea my body could even do this. Nothing has ever felt this good before.
Knowing I won’t get caught and punished—knowing I’m safe—allows me to explore myself more than I ever have, and I quickly discover what feels best. I make little circles with my finger over my clit, andholy shitit feels incredible, even more so as I picture Maverick in the bed with me, touching me and whispering encouragement in my ear.
I’m going to hell, I think as my body shivers, my entrance clenching around nothing as I wind myself tighter and tighter.
“Oh god, Maverick,” I moan as my climax hits me like a ton of bricks. My body convulses as the most intense pleasure I’ve ever felt spreads through my entire body. I feel slightly dizzy even though I’mlying down, and my heart pounds like I just ran a mile. My chest rises and falls rapidly, and I laugh, feeling a little loopy.
I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
???
When I wake in the morning, my body still feels languid, and a flush creeps up my neck as I remember I touched myself while thinking about Maverick.
