Shame soured inside my chest as my brain reeled with images of when I’d last seen Tabs—tears streaming down her cheeks as she slammed the door in my face. I mumbled a reply.
“What was that?”
“I fucked up.”
“Explain what happened. I’ll make a cuppa.” She flicked on the kettle.
As the kettle started heating, I motioned for us both to sit down.
I started at the beginning and reluctantly told her what had happened seven years ago and my pathetic-arse response to ghost her. She reacted as I’d dreaded, with head in hands, groaning.
I told her about the agreement Tabs and I had, then what I’d said on the TV show, and how I’d tried to fix the social media comments without telling Tabs about them.
She raised her fists and made a quiet shriek. “What a bloody…man. You know better than to trust those awful reality show people. You’re going to have to grovel like mad.” She reached over and mimed smacking me in the face. “Tim, for a fairly intelligent being, you’ve been the biggest bloody idiot.”
“I’m aware.” What were the odds of getting Tabitha back? Slim to none.Perry was one thing, but you saying those things that you knew would go live? That’s a far greater and more public betrayal.
I’d humiliated her in front of her friends and the public.
I must have looked crestfallen because Amy added, “You were trying to handle it on your own, without reaching out for help. Misguided, but you are a good guy. And all this came from you having an honorable heart and wanting to protect me, Mum, and even Tabitha, while running a business and making a TV show. But you can’t do it all. You have to ask for help. You can’t be the boss of everyone.”
She stood up and rounded the table to hug me. A clatter sounded from outside, which signaled Macy returning home with Mum. I was going to start with the groveling now. Amy was right. I had made a lot of mistakes trying to control everything on my own, trying to be the boss of everyone. I needed to start putting things to rights and communicating properly with the people I loved and depended on. First, Mum and Amy and Macy. Then, I was going to put my whole heart and soul into getting Tabitha back, because if there was one thing I knew with absolute certainty, it was that I couldn’t live life without her.
51
Tabitha
Without my owncar to peel away in, I’d sequestered myself on a bench in the yard long enough that I knew Tim had driven to his mother’s, but it didn’t sound like the others had left. My default was always to be polite, and I didn’t want them feeling like they had to stick around. Best to face them.
At the entry to the kitchen, Isla lunged at me for a big hug.
“Let’s talk. I can stay as long as you want,” she said.
The brothers looked so uncomfortable, understandably. I’d been raving about Tim all week, how we’d finally found our way back to each other, how I trusted and loved him, which made this so much more humiliating. Even Declan, who always knew what to say in any situation, was silent and obviously searching for words.
I peered at the eight of them through puffy eyes. “I’m sorry you came all this way.”
“Not at all,” Darcy murmured, and William nodded. “Can we do something? Drive you back to London?”
“You know, I think I’ll stay the night and get the train back tomorrow. And I’m sorry I don’t feel like…talking or anything. Please take some of this food for the car trip back.”
“Love, do you want to talk upstairs?” Isla asked.
Slowly, I shook my head. “Thank you, though.”
Of course no one wanted to take the leftover supper. I stood in the driveway, waving them off, food piled high on the counter, drinks left half drunk, feeling wretched, with inflamed eyes, a lump in my throat, and an ache in my chest.
“Are you telling me you two are friends?”
“Oh no. Not friends, of course not.”
“Yeah, you’re right. She can come off as dull and boring and not much fun. Like you say, not someone I’d want to work with, but sometimes you have to work with people you don’t want to hang out with.”
His words just kept running around in my brain.
But I couldn’t ignore how horrified he’d looked when he heard himself onscreen either. And then his apology. Was my pain-filled reaction because I still hadn’t fully recovered from Perry’s betrayal? The exec had basically spoon-fed Tim what she’d wanted him to say, andperhapsthere was an element of bewilderment in his response. He had asked them not to use his words, and they’d assured him they wouldn’t. Although believing that they wouldn’t was misguided, at least he’d tried. Or had I felt sliced open because it was Tim, and I’d never expected those words to come out of the mouth of a man I loved?
In some sense, he was just another person in a long list of people who had disappointed me…And it’s become myexpectation that people won’t stand up for me, for what I need and want.
