Taking a small sip of wine, she shakily set the glass back down on the small rectangular table set beside the chair. Her fingers traced the stack of books the table held.
“Were ye able to return before the purchasers took ownership?” he asked, hoping that the louse at least allowed her that.
“Yes, but only for a few short moments. I couldn’t take anything because he’d sold everything inside. But in a short respite when he was engrossed in conversation with the buyer, I managed to grab my mother’s diary and hide it within my reticule.” She looked at him sadly. “It’s the only thing I have left of either of my parents.”
“I canna imagine how hard that must have been for ye. How hard it still is.”
“Very. But I still have my mother’s writings. Other than the few items of clothing I left with, I made sure I had that. Her words are comforting.”
A faint smile tipped the corners of her mouth at the memory of her mother.
“I’m glad ye still have those. And that they offer ye comfort.”
“Thank you. You know that he beat me. I thank you for offering me grace when I arrived and not pushing me for details. I had been saving money for quite some time. A pence here. A pence there. My leaving was always going to happen. I just didn’t know when. When my courses were late, I knew the time had come. I left that night.”
“Ye are a verra strong woman, Jocelyn. Dinna let anyone e’er tell ye otherwise.”
She twirled the corners of his handkerchief into little corkscrews. Unfurled them. Twisted them again. “I’m not sure I believe that,” she confessed.
“How can ye no’? Look how far ye traveled. Alone. When ’tis no’ safe.”
“I needed to get as far away as possible. My friends are south of Rochester. I knew that’s where he would look first, so I went north. My plan was always to escape to Scotland. And here I am.”
He smiled. “Here ye are indeed.”
Brows drawing down, she met his eyes. “I understand if you want to put me out. I would expect nothing less for my deception.”
“Lass,” he dropped to his knees in front of her, fingers on her chin to draw her gaze. “If ye think I would do that, ye surely dinna ken me at all.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “My feelings are still true. Does this change our trajectory? Aye. But I will help ye with this. We will get through this together.”
“You don’t have to do that. I will find a way.”
“I believe ye have misunderstood me. I am no’ letting ye go, Jocelyn Townsend. I have resources at my disposal. Friends that will help. Their wives who will welcome ye gladly into their circle. Dinna fash.”
“Your kindness,” she paused. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Answer me something? Truthfully. No matter if ye think I will be hurt by your answer, I want the truth. Understood?”
She nodded, tucking the corner of her lip behind her teeth.
“Did ye ever love your husband?”
*
The question tookJocelyn off guard. Though it shouldn’t have. It was only normal for Gunn to inquire about her feelings regarding Victor.
She sighed heavily and shook her head. “At one point, I thought I did. When we were courting. But, I haven’t for years. Whenever I questioned it, I’d been told it wasn’t uncommon for spouses not to love each other. My parents had a loving relationship, but Victor always called them an anomaly. But no, I don’t love him. I don’t think I ever really did.”
The feelings she had at the beginning of their courtship, she now understood them to be an infatuation. An escape. How ironic was it that she saw Victor as an escape from her familial duties to find a reputable husband only to find out that it was he that she would need to escape from in the end?
Gunn smiled and sat back in his chair. “’Tis settled then.”
Confused, she looked at him. “What is?”
“We will find a way to deal with all of this. Together.” His tone grew serious. “Unless that is no’ what ye want. In which case, we will do whate’er ye feel is best for ye.”
Was Gunn offering her what she thought he was? He wasn’t going to kick her out onto the street. He had every right to, but instead he was supporting her. The feeling was so foreign to her.
“This is what I want,” she said quietly. “When I arrived it wasn’t what I expected or even thought about, but it is. I thank you for giving me a choice. Something that was stolen from me long ago.”
