I shift, awkward in my heels, my arms crossed as if they might hold me together.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say.And I mean it.For the funeral.For everything.
He shakes his head.‘You don’t have to be.You’re not cancer.’
I smile, tight and shaky.‘I mean … I could be.’
That gets a real laugh.
We fall into silence, staring at the space where his father was laid to rest.Someone calls out Luke’s name.He turns his head briefly, lifts a hand to wave them off.
When he looks back at me, his expression is unreadable.‘You’re staying here tonight with Ella and Darcy?’
I look down at my black heels, already covered in red dirt.‘I, um … If that’s alright with you.I came in a separate car, though, so I can leave if—’
‘Stay,’ he says.
I look up, meeting his eyes.
He clears his throat.‘I told Ella it was fine.There’s plenty of room anyway.’
The words hit me like an old love song I forgot I knew the lyrics to.
I blink once.Twice.
Then I nod.
Luke gives me a small nod back.
TWENTY
The stillness beneath the swamp bloodwood tree has been broken, and people are moving now – some to their cars, some to the side of the house where folding chairs have been arranged in messy circles under the towering gum trees.James has started the barbecue, and the smell of smoke and something vaguely meat-adjacent drifts across the air.Beer bottles hiss open, a quiet chorus of grieving Australians trying to make death feel like a Sunday afternoon get-together.
I spot Lauren near the drinks table, her sunglasses pushed into her hair, all long limbs, cute freckles and perfect auburn curls.It’s obvious she’s lived on this land her entire life.People greet her with familiarity.Someone hands her a beer.She laughs at something I can’t hear.
My chest squeezes.
I wrap my arms around myself and stare down at the toes of my high heels digging into the red earth.I could leave.Quietly.Gracefully, if I really focus.I could walk back to my rental car, send Luke a vague apology text, and hide away at Ella’s while pretending this was just an accidental detour.It could be like it never happened.Likewenever happened.
The back screen door creaks open, startling me from my spiral.
Ella steps out of the house, baby in one arm and a tray of cucumber sandwiches in the other.
Grateful for a distraction, I immediately step over and take the sandwiches from her.‘Thanks,’ she huffs and rearranges Daisy in her arms.‘I was just about offer them around, but you could just pop them on that table over there.’
I wave her off.‘It’s all good.It’ll give me something to do.’Ella smiles at me with pity in her eyes, then nods.I move around the yard, politely offering bits of food to glassy-eyed people.It’s not until I’m on the fourth tray that Darcy steps over and trades me for Daisy.
Daisy coos in response when I start swaying.Darcy chuckles over my shoulder.‘She’s got good taste.She loves troublemakers.’
I look up, and he’s smiling at me – not in that patronising, let’s-be-nice-to-the-messy-one way.Just … warmly.Calmly.Like I’m not a bomb that went off in their world over the past year.
‘Figured you might want some Daisy time given you’ve travelled all this way.’
I look at the tray resting in Darcy’s hand.‘I don’t mind helping out with—’
Darcy waves me off.‘Leave the food to me.I’m starving anyway.’
Ella walks over and offers a finger to Daisy, who grasps it with a tiny, raised hand.‘What are you two gossiping about?’
