Instead of bringing it up though, I lie. “Just jittery. I need more caffeine.”
Rich frowns, studying me. I can’t imagine what he sees, and nervously I fiddle with the short lengths of my red hair. I’ve been dying it to give it more of a deep red effect, but the color is already fading. On the flipside, I know Rich dyes his hair too. It’s usually super pale blond, but sometimes it’s a little darker. His cheeks are covered in brown scruff over the pale blond on his head.
He has albinism, a lesser form that makes his hair have a tint of brown, and he told me one time he dyes it when the mood hits him because it makes people stare less.
Honestly, I think his eyes are more distracting than his hair.
“Do you need me to go grab you something?” he asks, leaning on the counter. Rich knows I’m usually here alone, something I keep from the other suppliers I don’t know as well.
“I’ll be off soon,” I say quickly, rubbing my head before forcing a smile. The only thing that’s going to scratch the itch is my drink beneath the counter, and my cheeks burn even thinking about revealing that to him.
I know what it is… alcohol dependency isn’t something I’m proud of, but letting it go is harder. I just want to drink until the ache in my chest stops and all my feelings fade away. Getting blackout drunk is as close to being asleep as I can get while staying awake.
When I sleep, the world isn’t real. My truth isn’t real, my pain and my mistakes, it all becomes background noise. I don’t have to pretend to be anything when I’m unconscious. And when I drink and slip into that haze, it helps fight the guilt.
Rich shoots me another look, and I swear its concern. That’s why as much as I like Rich, he needs to stay away.
They all do. Good thing my best skill is scaring people off.
“If you’re sure, Kim,” he says, softening his voice. “You know how to find me if you’re not okay.”
Now I really need that drink.I’ve been to Rich’s house a handful of times, mostly to pick up supplies. And one time with our friend Tyson who was helping to make some custom order for a client of Rich’s. But I just nod my head, and shove away the wild, dirty thoughts that try to spring forth at his offer. “Sure. Of course.”
The three guys from earlier suddenly bolt out the front doors laughing, slamming the door into the wall outside as they throw it open. I groan and peer around the store, wondering what just happened; did they steal something or am I about to go find a mess?
Rich hesitates. “Here, let me-”
“It’s fine,” I lie, cutting him off. “Bobby will be here soon. I’m going to make him help me since I’m almost off. This is why we need more people working here. If there were people stocking during the day we could see what’s happening out there. It’s fine, Rich. Don’t even worry about me.”
