“Any true power seems to be.” Roger reached for the shadows around him, and he could feel the presence of the darkness like a cloth waiting for him to fold and manipulate. He released his hold and stared out into the night. “I don’t know what he’s gone to do, but he suddenly gave me the money.”
“That feels strange,” Takashi said.
“I thought his nights of wishing for death were far behind him,” Roger whispered. His throat burned with a pain that he hadn’t truly felt since he was mortal. “He’s been hiding it. Three hundred years, and he’s hidden it from me.” He scoffed at himself. “Who am I fooling? I never bothered to look for it.”
Takashi put a hand on his shoulder. “You weren’t looking for it because you were in the midst of your own pain. He isn’t your burden.”
“Iam the reason he’s a vampire. That Anton tortures him through the years. If I hadn’t …” Roger dipped his head before taking a breath and raising his chin again. Bloody tears colored his vision red. “I was the one who didn’t give a damn about drinking late into the night. I was the one who felt the odd surge of desire roll over me and gave in to it. I was the one who dragged Dmitri into the dark with me. It’s my fault the sun was ripped from him along with his life. And what have I done with my time? Party. Drink. Fuck. No wonder he hates me.”
“Turn around,” Takashi whispered.
Roger shook his head and planned to stare off into the night, but Takashi nudged him. He gave in and faced the hotel suite.
Zack had nabbed the room service menu, and he pored over it with Kit. Meanwhile, Carver had settled into a chair and was scanning through a streaming service.
Up until Dmitri’s interruption, Roger had been cozy with them. He’d meant to distract Zack from his troubles and had gotten comfortable, too. But the whole reason Zack needed a break was Roger’s fault. Without him, Zack would’ve remained an ignorant hunter, but he might’ve been happier.
“I’m dragging him down,” Roger said quietly. “You, as well.”
“I am finally free.” Takashi leaned against Roger.
“Not once Seamus accepts your coven application,” Roger said.
“Eh, that’s temporary.” Takashi wrapped his arm around Roger. “Kit and Carver seem to be having the time of their lives. And you can’t torment yourself about Zack.”
“If not for me?—”
Takashi squeezed Roger. “I know it’s cheating referencing the journal, but he never fit. He was out of place long before he met you.”
Roger had guessed that might be true long before. Zack had his morals, but he’d been eager to prove himself. Years ago,he’d made a “mistake,” according to the family, yet all he’d done was release a vampire too young to have committed any sins. Compassion had been his fault. What sort of family would discard him for that?
“Choosing to focus on glimpses of joy doesn’t make you an uncaring fool,” Takashi said firmly.
“You’d be surprised how often I’ve been told it does,” Roger replied.
“I wouldn’t. The world isn’t known for its kindness. That only makes those who try more beautiful.” Gently, Takashi reached up and put one finger to Roger’s jaw to nudge him into a kiss.
Kissing him was one of those pleasures that eased the razor pain in Roger’s soul. He lingered in the slow slide of their lips and light touches. Afterward, he pressed his forehead to Takashi’s. “I am glad you’re here and grateful for this.”
“It’s not entirely altruistic,” Takashi said with a grin. “I would’ve accepted it if I was told no, but I jumped at this opportunity because I’ve wanted you for a century, and tiny tastes weren’t enough.”
“You might find the taste of me sours over time.”
“And you might decide to spit me away,” Takashi said. “That’s not the future I see, but we’ll deal with changes when they come.”
Roger hugged him and found comfort in their embrace. Though the wind promised winter, he found new hope blooming in his soul. “Please tell me you have another movie picked out. I fear whatever our mortals will find.”
Takashi laughed and slipped out of the hug. He held onto Roger’s hand. “Do you think they’ve seenThe Lost Boys?”
“I’m not sure I have.” Roger followed Takashi into the hotel suite.
But a piece of him lingered out in the dark and the shadows, and he wondered if light would heal the broken pieces of his spirit or shatter him further.
CHAPTER 26
Knowing the date that they would finally dispense of Seamus made the next few nights far easier to handle. Zack didn’t relax, but he could carry on the pretense easier. He continued absorbing information, making small talk when he absolutely had to, and ignoring his social media notifications. Carver was keeping tabs on it, apparently, and he’d made a couple of comments about Vincent’s new video. Zack had replied that he’d rather sit through a twelve-hour marathon of a reality TV show about home improvement instead of watching another two-minute video of whatever Vincent had to say. He made a few posts about food and watchingThe Covenant, and that was it.
At least, for his regular phone.
