And I’m a blip.Zack brushed at the itchiness on his face, and tears escaped from his eyes.
Slowly, Roger unfolded his arms and cupped Zack’s cheeks. He brushed his thumbs through the forming trails. In a soft voice, he begged, “What is wrong?”
“Nothing new,” Zack whispered. “It’s the same shit night after night after night. We go out. You feed. You schmooze withother vampires. And I justsit. I sit and I watch and I wait. And then I get told I should be appreciating my fucking life the way it is.”
Roger frowned. “Who said that?”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s what everyone’s thinking, isn’t it? I should be able to hold out. Be happier. But how can I be happy when everything’s a fucking nightmare and there’s nothing I can do?”
While Zack spoke, Takashi approached him. He kissed Zack’s temple and then wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
Their touch was too much because it meant that both of them were trying to understand him. That they cared. And if they cared that much, that meant the Cal voice in his head was wrong again. As much as the rest of him knew that was the better way, that the part of him that took on his brother’s voice was a piece of self-doubting shit, he hated that any bit of him could be wrong.
So he slithered out from between them. “I want to shower. Alone.”
“All right,” Roger said gently.
Mercifully, they listened, and within a moment, Zack was alone in the bathroom. He stepped into the shower and turned on the faucets to a near-scalding degree. At least there he could pretend all the water on his face was from the showerhead.
Cleaning up did its unique brand of magic. The steam seemed to penetrate him and exfoliate his mind, clearing away the sadness that had manifested so poorly. Still sore, his overworked muscles complained lightly, but nothing so bad that a little rest and water wouldn’t fix. But he took his time toweling off. Roger and Takashi were probably waiting on him to emerge.
And they’d want to help him. And that might set the whole spiral off again.
Zack clutched the towel to his chest, but he was reasonably dry. He couldn’t put off getting dressed. Besides, there wasn’tanother exit from the bathroom. If he waited too long, they’d probably come back in.
Sucking in a deep breath and lifting his chin, Zack walked back into the master bedroom.
Roger and Takashi were sitting on the edge of the bed facing the door. Their conversation drifted to a pause as they turned their heads to look at him.
“Did you know,” Roger said, voice caring but not too gentle, “that Takashi has never seen theTwilightmovies? I thought the five of us might stay in tonight. Have a marathon.”
Zack had shared those movies with Roger when they were first connecting in Taliville, and he’d watched them over and over while he was recovering. They were a tie to his past, a rebellion against his mother, who didn’t want him to watch “vampire propaganda.”
“A movie marathon sounds great. But notTwilight.”
“How aboutThe Covenant? The one with that Sebastian Stan fellow,” Takashi said.
“Never seen it,” Zack said. “I’m not sure I’ve even heard of it.”
“Really? I could’ve sworn it came out this century.”
Zack grinned weakly. They were trying to make him feel better; he could, too. “Is this where I remind you that I turned twenty a couple weeks ago? So, like, half of this current century happened before I was ten?”
“If you’re attempting to make me feel old, I already knew I was when sock hops became a thing.”
“That makes me ancient,” Roger replied. “Considering I was growing old when thirteen colonies decided to revolt.”
“Jesus, you areold,” Zack teased.
Roger chuckled and pulled Zack onto his lap. “Worth it to have met you.”
They shared a quick, sweet kiss. Zack wrapped his arms around Roger’s shoulders and leaned his forehead against his. “We can really stay in tonight?”
“Yes.”
Tension uncoiled, and Zack rested against Roger. “Awesome.”
“I’ll tell the others,” Takashi said. He poked Roger. “You should ask him.”
