Slowly, Takashi withdrew his hands from Roger’s cheeks and clasped his hands instead. He sat on Roger’s left.
Now that Roger had the space and expectancy to speak, his voice fled. The words he needed would have to come from over the side of that edge he longed to run away from. But there was no escaping. There hadn’t been for over three hundred years, no matter how much he had ignored his plight from time to time.
Unless, perhaps,maybethe men beside him could guide him away from the agony. Having delved into their emotions, he knew the fears he’d had about them were paranoia and not rooted in reality. Still, a few lingered. In the past, voicing concerns hadn’t brought him peace. Seamus had always taken that as an insult; Dmitri had only grown more distant. The accusation had always been flipped back onto Roger.
Would Zack hate him? Would Takashi leave him?
Could Roger dare to love them? Or would he find himself dancing alone on the precipice, more unbalanced than ever?
Roger continued holding Takashi’s hand with one of his and took the other and offered it to Zack. Without hesitation, Zack put his in Roger’s. Roger had hoped that touching both of them might give him some sense of grounding. Instead, the fear tightened around his throat because he would have to speak. He couldn’t keep putting it off.
“I learned something tonight. About you,” Roger said to Zack. “You’re a Gladwell.”
“Yeah,” Zack said slowly.
“I was afraid that you’re playing at a deeper game. That you were planning on killing me in the end.”
Zack narrowed his eyes. “What?”
Anger was predictable. After all Zack had gone through, he had the right. Yet Roger trembled before he could clamp down on the reflexive fear. He was too raw from the night. Being in Seamus’s presence had been like scraping away the layers of healing he’d managed in Taliville and somehow reopening the worst of his mental wounds.Not just seeing Seamus. Ezra, too.Not realizing that he and Zack were distantly related when I should have.
Silence would only fuel Zack’s anger. He prized information, and though the truth might damn him, the least Roger could do was reveal it. “I never thought another Gladwell would be able to stand my touch, not after what happened in the massacre.”
“You were there,” Zack said.
“I’m to blame for it.”
Zack sprang to his feet and started to break away.
Before his hand slipped from Roger’s, Takashi said, “Wait. I know this tale. Let him tell you what happened.”
Zack hesitated, his gaze searching Roger’s face. He must have found what he hoped to see because he nodded once.
“Our troupe, for we weren’t the size of a full coven yet, fled from Paris with little more than the clothes on our backs. Seamus had a habit of pissing off the locals, and somehow a pack of hunters had caught onto us. So we landed in England with barely anything,” Roger said. “Seamus’s first order was to infiltrate the nobility, gain influence and money in any way possible. We’d had a taste of luxury, and Seamus wasn’t willing to slide backward.
“I met Ezra at a ball, though we didn’t truly connect until we found one another at a selective whorehouse.” Roger tried for a grin, but the coyness he usually masked his history in was a brittle shell on the floor. He continued. “A demon was running the place, and I was one of the whores. There have always been humans willing to flirt and fuck the supernatural, and, well, we were in need of coin. Ezra became one of my clients.
“He seemed a perfect mark. Noble enough that he had plenty of money but with two older brothers, so he would never become a true man of influence. He already had three nephews as well, all of whom would see the title before him. His father was pressuring him to marry, but Ezra wanted nothing to do withthat. I thought, given time, I’d help Ezra find the right wife who wouldn’t give a damn that her husband had a man outside the marriage, that maybe he might even love her if we looked hard enough for the right woman. I let Ezra believe he was saving me from a whore’s life when I was seducing him into being my pet.
“When I told Seamus about him, he demanded that I make Ezra one of us. I suggested we might be better off forming a generational relationship to the family.” Roger dipped his head. He was so far into the telling, but the words were glass in his throat. “I was left to thirst, chained in a coffin, for the better part of a fortnight. Seamus made clear his … authority when he finally let me out, and I followed his orders. After a little more work, I had Ezra eating from the palm of my hand, and I convinced him to become a vampire.
“I introduced Ezra and Seamus on the night Ezra rose from the grave. Seamus was at his most charming to the point that even I was fooled by his good manners. He asked Ezra to write a letter extending an invitation to stay with his family. Eager to please me, Ezra did it. I should’ve known when Seamus allowed us to stay in London for another few weeks that something was wrong, but I thought he saw common sense. Ezra was new. Traveling so far without the proper precautions would only leave a trail of corpses for any enterprising vampire hunter to follow.”
Zack sank down onto the bed beside Roger. “The stories say that Seamus turned him.”
“I never discovered how that rumor began. Ezra might,” Roger said. “It wasn’t oft repeated in my circles. We knew the truth.”
“The stories also say that Ezra was the architect of the massacre,” Zack said. He frowned. “But from what you just said, it sounds like?—”
“The manor was overrun with vampires before we reached it,” Roger replied. “Seamus proudly declared that there wouldbe no impediment to Ezra’s lordship now. Ezra broke that night, and until tonight, I believed all his anger rested on me, and rightfully so.”
For a long moment, Zack stared at his hand that clasped Roger’s. He gave him a tight squeeze before looking up. “I can’t absolve you, but I’m not entirely innocent either. Quinn might be the only supernatural I’ve actually killed, but I researched for my family. I have no idea if I sent them after the good or the bad. I’ve caused harm, too.”
It wasn’t the same, not by a long shot, but Roger couldn’t expect more from Zack. He was immortal and young. Life hadn’t given him many opportunities for damning his soul. Roger raised Zack’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.
“That would be why you dug around in Zack’s mind,” Takashi said. “That doesn’t explain why you probed mine.”
“Dmitri has painted me as this recluse unwilling to keep up with the modern era when he told me that he would pave the way for my return. I thought that meant my return to who I was. And Candide is as sharp as ever, and Seamus as corrosive. Even Nell has malice behind her good intentions,” Roger said. He squeezed Takashi’s hand. “Our kind is not known for their honesty.”
