Takashi chuckled softly and looked out into the night before regarding Roger again. He had kindness in his eyes, and it warmed his smile. “You should have that conversation with him. He’s not sure you’re even dating.”
“How do you know that?” Roger asked.
Takashi had the decency to look away as he said, “I’ve read his journal.”
“What?” Roger moved to his side.
“Don’t be upset with me.” Takashi sighed and slumped his shoulders. “Nell’s known about his notebooks this whole time. She’s been making copies for weeks. She’s even carefully duplicated his leather journal. The flight from Cairo was decently long, and considering many of his notes are what I already know, I focused on his journal.”
“Takashi—”
“It was a violation, I understand that,” Takashi said quickly as he straightened. “I hope you won’t tell him what I did, but Roger, you have to see things from my perspective.” His smilefaded to a worried frown. “You weregone. I know our closeness was somewhat transient, but you vanished. And suddenly, you are back, and there is this kid at your side. A Wright! And everything I could find online pointed to the same sort of vapid, selfish pets you prefer—don’t make that face because you know if we argue that point, I will win—but when I read his journal, I discovered a caring, thoughtful young man. Do you have any idea how worried he is aboutyou?”
“Me?” Roger frowned.
“He is one of the most intuitive people I’ve met,” Takashi said. “Despite your attempts to dance around the topic, he suspects the sort of abuse Seamus has done to you.”
Roger hung his head to avoid Takashi and the world. There were nights that clung to the edges of his mind, constantly shoved away from the light of observance. He had found a path to survival in being the playboy. Because if he couldn’t escape, he could tell himself he enjoyed his life as a vampire.
And most nights, he actually did. The thrill of feeling another’s desire, the taste of blood in his mouth, the ability to live long enough to see the world change over and over and over. He loved what he was.Would I if I had another choice?The easy answer was yes, but he’d never stopped to pick apart his existence and face the potential dread. In order to do that, he’d have to analyze the nights he’d rather forget.
As if he could forget when Seamus backhanded him at the farmhouse for letting the pregnant hunter flee. As if he could modify the memories of the two decades he’d spent on a pirate ship to be filled with the wonder of being a new vampire instead of dreading what Seamus would demand of him on the deck and in his cabin. As if he wasn’t haunted by the memories of the vampires Anton and Seamus had drained of life in secret and then animated so they could execute them in public as traitors.As if there weren’t a thousand other nights of pain that tainted every one of peace.
What had Takashi pieced together? What had Roger let slip?
I do not have time to fall apart.Roger quickly wiped the bloody tears forming in the corners of his eyes and turned the motion into dramatically sweeping his hair back as he raised his chin. “He shouldn’t worry. Neither should you.”
“As you wish,” Takashi said, though his expression and body language said he would worry anyway, and that was no trouble to him. “If he doesn’t want to share you and you agree with that, I won’t throw myself at your feet and beg you to change your mind. You’ll at least be with someone decent who cares about you deeply. I can respect that.”
“We’ll need to continue the act like a couple in public,” Roger said. He nodded to the living room. “That includes in front of Kit and Carver.”
“You can only call things an act for so long before they become a reality.” Takashi moved to sit on one of the couches. “I don’t believe Kit or Carver will fall for it for a second. They’ll likely wonder why we’re trying to lie to them and everyone else.”
“Fuck. I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Is there a reason you’re keeping them in the dark about your intentions?”
Roger sat on the couch across from Takashi. “The fewer that know, the fewer potential leaks.”
Takashi gave a nod of acknowledgment. “I’m sure we can spin things if we need to. Are we sharing them?”
“If they’re amenable to it.” Roger threaded his hand through his hair. The wind was starting to tangle it. “Why don’t you have any pets of your own?”
“Masters of other covens believe they’re handing off a spy if they allow me to borrow people, which they usually are.” Takashislumped and finally looked as if he was truly relaxing. “Life as an ambassador vampire is exhausting.”
“Trust must be hard to have.”
“Another reason I read Zack’s journal,” Takashi replied.
Roger started to play with where his ring should sit. When his fingers brushed nothing, he remembered the gold ring in his pocket. He was asking everyone else in his life to lie, and he wasn’t carrying out the simplest one himself. But even thinking about reaching for it reminded him of the donors on the plane and their gray armbands.
If Zack can wear the collar, I can do this.Roger slipped the gold ring onto his finger.
Clearing his throat, he said, “I’ve caught up as much as I can about the GLC. What can you tell me about international affairs?”
“Plenty,” Takashi said with a sly grin. “Where shall I start?”
“Cairo and what happened in 1977,” Roger replied. “Let’s not repeat anyone else’s mistakes.”
