“It was spring at the time, so flowers bloomed throughout the area. The grass was overgrown, weeds everywhere. I remember how itchy it all felt. How we both couldn’t move or look away. It was such amess.Neither of us had seen disarray like that before. Everything in our lives was perfectly curated. Cut grass, pristine clothes, balanced meals. We weren’t allowed to spill or slip or misspeak. But in the clearing, there was chaos. Beautiful, pure chaos.”
It had felt like the first deep breath I’d ever taken. A brief, fleeting moment of relief. Like the stars were gifting us something special.
“By the time the others found us, Tal and I had already decided that this place wasours.The five of us spent hours here that day. So long that we were all punished when we got home. But when our days of solitude were up, we came back. Dove worried a lot. She didn’t want Talon in any more trouble. Quinn thought things through enough that, even as a child, he weighed out the pros and cons. Caleb and Talon didn’t care, and neither did I. We just wanted peace.”
I looked at her, watching as her eyes glazed over slightly, as if she was trying to picture the scene as well. If I was capable of alghazi, I’d show her. Help her see what we were before the world poisoned us.
“In autumn, we told scary stories over a fire we struggled to start. When winter came, we had epic snowball fights. After Pri turned six, we brought her here for the first time. You don’t have a lot of options when you can only befriend other core kids, so she was welcomed in eagerly. She loved it so much. Flowers became her thing for a while. She’d wear them, collect them, gift them. Her favorite color is still the shade of purple that the tiniest flowers here bloomed.”
I remembered the way she leapt and dove around the clearing, singing songs that were far darker than any of us realized—ones sung to us as we slept, crafted to mold us. Even with the ominous words, her squeaky voice and bright grin prevented any darkness from entering. She’d decorate us with flowers, weave crowns, and eat chocolates she knew her mother would disapprove of. Pri had never been happy like that anywhere else.
“One time when I was thirteen, after I got beaten pretty badly, Tal forced us all to meet here. Only the four of us boys came, and when we got here, Talon showed us that he’d stolen a bottle of tequila from his father’s study. We were all so baffled that none of us drank it at first. Eventually, we began swallowingfar too much, laughing and vomiting. None of us knew what being drunk was, that was another thing too messy to be. So you can imagine what happened when we got back to Castle Altair, each of us barely able to walk and covered in dirt and vomit. We were beaten so badly that healing took a full day. Talon got it the worst for stealing. We didn’t see him again for over a week.”
It had been the first time I realized I was responsible for us. More so than Dove, because I was the oldestboy,and that meant something to me then. Dove didn’t agree, but she’d always been smarter than me.
“When they finally came back to Castle Altair, we all decided to sneak something. As it turned out, we each went for wine. That was much easier on the stomach. Priya hated that we didn’t share with her, but Dove brought her juice and fed us all crackers. She monitored our every sip, scolding us for being irresponsible and putting Talon in danger. We got a good verbal lashing, but we were all more careful after that. From then on, when one of us needed to escape, we’d meet in our clearing—our paradise.”
Again, I touched the leaves, walking along the edge of the clearing. I let myself recall the way it had all looked with each passing season, every fading year. I imagined our laughter, missing it more than anything.
“Dove was good at making sure we all had fun, but she didn’t let us stray too far from safety. I wasn’t really allowed in the Star District, so this place stayed our go to for a long time. I…I miss it. Well, I missthem.Dove…she would have hated seeing us all apart. She deserved more time. More…joy.We got so little of it before she was gone.”
Nova’s voice was raspy as she said, “I’m so sorry, Az.”
“Last year, Talon changed. Our Talon—the one who brought us here after I was beaten, who cracked barely funny jokes constantly and always made sure we were smiling—he’d neverhave hurt Dove. She was oldest, but she was treated like her namesake once we were all adults and had magic. Our little dove we all protected.” I remembered how we’d so deeply treasured her, soft and loving as she was. No one could hate Dove. “Towards the end—during academy, I mean—we had all found ourselves lost without Talon. Dove especially. Had he really been planning to kill her the entire time? Could we have helped him? Changed anything? Maybe if I hadn’t resented him for leaving me when I needed him, then I could have actually helped. Or maybe I left him somewhere down the road and didn’t realize it. I don’t know. I just can’t wrap my head around it all.”
“It’s not your job to understand, and it’s not your burden to bear.” I watched as she stood, slowly making her way to me. “You can’t put it all on your shoulders. He made his choices.”
“I guess. I’m still not quite sure why he attached himself to you of all people.” She paused her pursuit towards me, her nose scrunching as she pushed her gloved fists into her hips. “Not because you aren’t worthy of obsession, you have mine after all, but what was it that day that had him ready to give everything up? Did he know something we didn’t? Something that told him he could trust you even when he didn’t trust us? Why leave us when we’d always been together?”
I closed the remaining distance between us, needing to feel her. As soon as my arms wrapped around her, I felt peace find me once more, the magic returning to our clearing.
Nova pressed her nose into my chest, her words muffled slightly. “He told me once that his sister didn’t protect him. That he stood up for her and she let him get beaten in her place. I think he felt like he didn’t have anyone else’s allegiance. Maybe he liked that I was desperate. That I was controllable and needed him.”
“Or maybe he no longer trusted the system that raised him,” I muttered, wishing I could go back in time. That we couldchange who we were. Fight against our parents even if in secret. I imagined meeting Nova when I was young and still had hope. When I was still brave enough to question what we were taught. How quickly would I have fallen in love back then? What would I have sacrificed? How would that have changed our world today?
Slowly, she ran her hands down my back, smiling up at me softly, concern threading her brows together. I rubbed the indent between the two, forcing her to relax her expression.
“I’m sorry for all you’ve lost.”
“Me? You lost your family, Nova.”
“You lost part of yours, too.”
Her hand brushed against my cheek, her smile sad. She wasn’t ready to admit it, but I could tell that she cared about me. That I meantsomethingto her. And, regardless of what she said, she had become a part of my family too.
Just as I was about to lean down and kiss her—to give in and take her back to our cottage, where I’d hold her hostage until I was satisfied—the cracking of a branch came from the eastern edge of the clearing. I spun, shoving Nova behind me and readying for a fight. But nothing could have prepared me for who stood a mere twenty feet away.
“Mother?”
“Azazel.”
She wore black, all of her skin covered by dark cloth, save her face. She’d even pulled back her hair and tugged on her hood. Her clothes were such a stark contrast to the snowy landscape around her that she looked like shadows incarnate.
“What are you doing here?”
She frowned deeper, clasping her hands in front of her. “When the notes stopped coming to your room, I figured they’d arrive here instead. You always had a soft spot for this place.”
“How did you know I was even still alive?” I tucked Nova further behind me, pivoting with every side step Mother took.
