“Fuck the world. Fuck the stars. Fuck everything! I want you. Iloveyou!”
“It’s not enough! Love is never enough! I know that because, if it was, my family would still be alive and I’d never have gone to Elite Academy in the first place!”
We were almost touching, our subconscious steps bringing us together like magnets. Counting her freckles to calm myself down, I thought of all I wanted to say.
I can’t separate my love and lust.
I can’t spend the rest of my life not hearing your laugh.
I can’t wake up without you drooling on my pillow.
I can’t look at a book and know you won’t be there to obsess over it.
I can’t cook a breakfast you won’t be there to eat and complain about.
I can’t say goodbye.
I can’t let you go.
I can’t exist without you anymore.
“Our love could be enough, Nova.” I pressed a hand to her cheek, sighing as she closed her eyes and leaned into my palm.
“Why can’t we have this, Az?” She gestured to the bed, pressing her hand into mine after. “I can’t just pretend that we can have more so we can feel better for a few months.”
I pulled my hand back, folding my arms over my chest. “And I can’t just pretend that only your body is enough.”
She backed away, crossing her arms too. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I won’t have sex with you again unless we sort through this. I won’t take half of you, Nova. I want it all.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Nova
“I’m so scared of being alone.”
-From the journal of Nova Tershetta, 9269 AS
Azazel was being unreasonable. In fact, I’d argue he was being completely ridiculous.
We’d gotten ready in awkward silence, neither of us willing to break the tension by building that bridge. In my defense, I was right. There was no world in which we could be together even if I wanted to be. Not that I did, of course. Actually, I didn’t care at all if we never had sex again. I wasn’t some desperate fiend. Sex never really mattered.
Now, as we sat across from Maitoza and watched her read through the various information we’d managed to steal, I felt the tension rise. Why? Because he was playingdirty.
He twirled the rings on his fingers, flexing his jaw as we waited. Based on the smirk that twitched onto his face every few seconds, he was paying more attention to me than he let on. “Could I get something to eat? I’m starving. I only had a quick snack after my run this morning.”
When his arm reached over to rest on the back of my chair, those damn fingers tugging one of my curls, I nearly groaned.I’m like a crazed teenager, my stars.
“Don’t bring us up. We’re still mad at you.”
As if you perverts didn’t get a show this morning!
“Oh, that? Yes, well, it was no surprise to us that he was excellent in bed. You, on the other hand, have completely exacerbated us with your refusal to enjoy anything.”
Leave me alone.
“Gladly.”
