“Nova, I swear, that’s the truth! I can take you to the commander now and she’ll confirm that Celeste has been on mission for quite some time now. I can get my letters from her if you’d like. Anything.” I looked away from Desi, my eyes focusing back on Az.
He looked nauseous, as if every word Desi said pushed him closer to vomiting. Or maybe it was the way I’d attacked him. I wasn’t sure, though I couldn’t lie to myself and say I didn’t care. Why did I always love the things I knew I shouldn’t?
“Explain. Now,” I ordered, speaking only to Azazel. Because, honestly, it was him who owed me that. Desi wasn’t much to me at all. Her lies barely hurt. It washisdishonesty that stung.
Sighing, he sat back on the mattress, his weight leaving me. His grey eyes watered, darkening until they resembled Celesteand Mama’s. Until they suddenly merged into one, and it felt more like I was listening to my sister talk.
“When I first got taken by the rebellion, I was content to just rot here in my cottage until the time came to kill my father. Honestly, I didn’t have many plans for before or after that.” A soft smile lifted the corner of his mouth, his eyes flicking over to Desi. She hadn’t let her face relax from the strained, horrified expression that tugged at the edges of her skin and stretched it. “Then one day, after I’d finished fixing up the cottage, someone burst through my front door.”
“Celeste,” I guessed, my heartbeat speeding as I sat up and pulled my knees against my chest, listening intently.
“Celeste,” he agreed, grinning and shaking his head. “She’s a lot like you in some ways. She guessed I hadn’t hurt your parents when I became visibly surprised by her presence. After we talked and she left, I figured I’d never see her again. Turns out, Desi was on the hunt for a new pet, and Celeste had taken quite the liking to her by then. Enough that when Celeste started hand-delivering me supplies, Desi came along. That evolved into me going to trainings with them, eating with them, talking with them.”
“You and my sister are…friends?”I was too stunned to even attempt to picture it. Celeste was not only in love with an of eadi, she was friends with a core heir? Had I died and ascended after all? Was this a dream? My imagination trying to picture a world where I could have Az and my sister?
“She calls me pretty boy, so I think we’re at least good enough acquaintances for nicknames.” He shrugged, reaching up and massaging his neck. “Then you showed up, and everything changed. Celeste came as soon as she found out, and she was here when Desi healed you. But…”
I waited with bated breath, eager to hear what he’d say next. What excuse would he have for not telling me about Celeste?How could he redeem that? Make it sound less awful? After a few beats of silence, I couldn’t help myself.
“But what?”
“Celeste told us we couldn’t say anything to you about her,” he finally whispered, his brows knitted together and his mouth downturned. To my left, Desi looked like she might begin outright wailing.
“Bullshit! I don’t care how mad Celeste was, she would never let me think she was fuckingdead!You’re lying!” Stars, I wanted to hit him again. Hit both of them. Maitoza too, that conniving bitch.
“He’s not lying, Nova, and Celeste didn’t keep herself from you as a punishment.” I let my glare fall to Desi, hoping I could summon Dad’s menacing stare he used to give people who’d make remarks about me when I first got magic. I had his eyes again, after all. “You can’t possibly imagine how hard it was for her to make that decision. She was devastated every day knowing you were mere moments away. But she also believed that you had to choose the rebellion for yourself. She didn’t want her presence to interfere or sway your allegiance.”
Stars-dammit, that sounds just like her.
“So you’re telling me that my sister let me think she was dead just so I’d choose to support the rebellion on my own? And you two went along with it?” My tone had softened, a bit of a whine beginning to stretch the words as I realized what was happening. “Do you understand how fucking insane that sounds?”
Celeste had picked the rebellion over me. She’d let me drown in grief because she wanted me to pick her side. The side that was clearly corrupt in its own way.
“Az said it was a bad idea. He argued with Celeste and Commander Maitoza more than once. But it wasn’t his choice. It was hers, and she only made it because she felt like it was the right one.”
Despite my better judgment, I turned to Azazel again, “All this time, youknew.You told me you loved me and yet you hid my sister’s existence from me? How could you do that?”
Tears freely streamed down his face now, his jaw flexed as he seemed to consider his next words. Desi didn’t give him the chance.
“Az came to me more than once saying he didn’t want to keep this from you. I asked for a little more time while I waited for your sister to return my letters. If there’s anyone worthy of your forgiveness right now, it’s him.”
That got my attention. “You haven’t heard from her at all? How do you know she’s safe? Where did she even go? Why was she, of all people, sent on a mission in the first place?”
Az choked on his words, stuttering as he took a turn answering. “Maitoza has taken Celeste under her wing. She leads drills and takes high level missions regularly. Every meeting Maitoza attends, Celeste sits in on. They work together closely. We don’t know what the mission was this time.”
“But the commander has told me that Celeste is fine! She probably just doesn’t have time to write,” Desi said, ringing her hands and scrunching her nose.
Even I could tell that Desi seemed unsure of the truth to the statement, but it was Az who said, “Of course she’d say that. Anything to keep her favorite little pet pr—“
“Don’t even start with that!”
“I’ll start with what I want when you and I both know that the only reason Celeste even thought to hide from Nova was because of Commander Sucks, who is also the reason Celeste isn’t here right now!”
I watched them bicker, now far less angry and much more terrified. Celeste was missing then. I’d had a chance to have her back, only to potentially lose it before I could even grab at the opportunity.
She was alive, but I might never see her again.
Slowly, I slid my legs off the bed, standing and walking stiffly to my bag where it sat on the right side of the sofa. Bending down, I unzipped it, feeling as if I was watching myself from outside of my body.
