An angry growl came from Iblis Altair as his hand pressed into the wooden wall, his head flinging up to stare at us. My chains wrapped around my arms on instinct, and I readied to run to Az and shadow walk away.
Then, as if by divine intervention, I got an idea. Or maybe it was a memory that triggered it. Images of me using my chains to hit a moving target or wrap around an opponent flashed through my mind.
So I threw my chains at Az, forcing them to gently encircle his torso. Scrunching my nose, I began to drag him towards me, my entire body aching. I screamed, ordering my magic to yank him to me. After a few seconds it complied, and Az came soaring our way. He hit me hard, making me fold. With his weight atop me and Talon beside me, I ordered us home, Iblis Altair’s outrage echoing across the alleyway.
When the three of us arrived safely in my garden, snow falling slowly around us, I let myself break. Sobs poured down my face, my aching hands touching Az’s face as I rolled him off me. Silently, I hated myself for not being able to be better, because when I turned to a stunned, wheezing Talon, I knew exactly what I was.
“Nova, you saved me,” he whispered, still clutching his open wound.
He didn’t have to die. I knew that. Desi could help us. The cores were probably coming. Talon could live. Maybe he’d even join our side. Help us. Aid the rebellion. Make amends.
If only I’d let him.
Sneering, I leaned over him, letting all the vitriol I felt seep out of my mouth in harsh, unforgiving words that burned my throat.
“Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t love you and I never will. I did this forhim,not you.” Talon’s amber eyes widened, momentarily sliding to Az before landing back on me. “And before you get your hopes up, you should probably know that you’re not going to make it. Not because you’re too hurt. Not because no one can save you. But because I won’t let you live. Understand this: you stole everything from me. You took my family, my hope, my future, my purpose. You slaughtered everything I cared about. There is no penance for that besides death. So I’m going to help Az now, and when he wakes, I’m going to pretend to help you too. I’ll promise to go get a healer—to rush to your aid—but that won’t matter. You’re going to die here, knowing this is the end even though it doesn’t have to be. Even if it makes me a monster, I’m going to ensure your death, Talon. And I’ll be fucking glad when you stop breathing.”
Tears dripped down Talon’s temples, soaking his dark hair. But he didn’t argue. Didn’t beg. He did nothing but nod.
“Now get ready for some goodbyes.” When I turned to face Az, it was with infinite more care. I brushed my mangled fingers across his cheek, loathing myself for hurting him. As my hand pushed into his chest, I begged my magic to help him, to heal him only enough to say goodbye. Not nearly as much as he’d need to fix Talon, of course. Even if I was capable of such magic, I couldn’t risk Az actually healing Talon, because I couldn’t bear to let him live when my family rotted beneath dirt.
Though they were gone, I could have sworn I heard the stars in my head, mumbling something from a great distance. Again, I felt a far away vibration below me, like I was causing the very earth to quake. But I could tell I barely had any magic to offer, feeling empty of it, drained and exhausted beyond relief. Still, Az’s eyes fluttered open, the whites bloodshot and his pupils dilated unevenly. Stars, his head must have also taken a beating. I couldn’t begin to imagine what mine looked like.
Az shot up, dizziness seemingly sending him careening to the side. Before I could help, he steadied himself, wrapping his arms around me and tensing his chest. As if to shield me.
“It’s okay, we’re safe. I got us back home,” I breathed out, my throat aching so badly I thought it might tear. Azazel still held me tightly, his breaths strangled and wet.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t do better. Didn’t protect you.”
“Stop it, you didn’t do anything wrong. I only made it because…” Stars, I truly wasn’t sure how to do this. To lie. “Talonhelped me.”
“What?” Az gasped, separating our bodies. He brought his hands to my face, staring so deeply into my eyes that his pupils grew slightly, though the left was still larger than the right. I tilted my head to the right, moving his attention to the man on the ground, who watched us curiously.
Glaring at Talon, I tried to will the words to show on my face, though doing much of anything hurt so badly I wanted to keel over.Don’t say anything to him. Die like a man. Like a shaytan. Like a core. Like all the stupid things you people praise.
While I doubted he understood what I meant, Talon did blink rapidly for a moment before turning to face Azazel.
“Az,” he wheezed. Azazel crawled over to his friend, lifting his head gently and inspecting him. I watched with shameful disgust as Az checked over Talon, eventually pressing his hands onto the gaping wound in his best friend’s stomach.
“I’ll get Desi,” I whispered, wanting to be away from the pair. If I watched Az for too long, I’d cave and help. I’d do something I knew I’d regret because I loved the man beside me enough to momentarily forget the anger that propelled me forward. The revenge I was owed. The justice my family deserved.
“Thank you, Nova. For saving him. I know that couldn’t have been easy.” He looked at me for what felt like a century, his gaze flicking between mine so quickly that I wondered if, deep down, he knew what I was doing. Judging by the way his eyes began to water and his bottom lip started to quiver, I thought he just might see right through me. But all he said was, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, leaning forward and placing a kiss on his lips.
Then I stood, not looking back at Talon before I shadow walked to the rebel base. I landed farther from the wards than I’d intended, my legs buckling and my bladder giving out. Agony coursed through my veins, the adrenaline fading enough that I no longer had the focus to control my magic in the slightest. It was best this way. At least now I’d have a good excuse.
So, like the coward I was, I laid in the ice-coated grass, the grey sky above reminding me of Celeste’s eyes as I closed mine and let the pain overtake me.
Chapter Forty-Six
Azazel
“Talon and I were banned from playing together for a whole week. Father said I’m growing too attached to him.”
-From the journal of Azazel Altair, 9219 AS
“Ihave to get you inside, okay?” Stars, my voice was shaking worse than Talon’s hands.
